Out of My Control and Into God’s Hands

Posted on March 1, 2015 by admin

I’m sure you are wondering if there is any further information, since my last post.  Well sadly there isn’t.   Hence the reason, no public service announcement has been made. I hope you will respect our situation.  We will share when we feel more confident and have information about the future location.

This whole time in seminary has been one of uncertainty.  It starts with all the approvals to be given permission so to speak, to get a Master of Divinity, MDIV, in seminary terminology. Once the seminarian receives the okay, classes begin.  All classes can be taken on campus.  They do have an online program, but the seminarian is still required to come on campus for some “intensive” courses.

The seminarian, like many other degrees, must pass to continue moving forward.  Along with the classes, there are periods of different learning opportunities off campus.  Using the seminarian terms; J-term, rural plunge, cross cultural, CPE, and internship are all done off site.  I’m sure I’m missing stuff, but I’m not the one going through it. Each of these events occurs at a particular time period during the course of study.

Of course you must pass the classes and other events to continue.  But while they are taking all the classes, J-term, rural plunges, cross cultural, CPE and internships, they still have to have Synod approval.  WHAT????? Yes, Synod approval.  You could be the smartest person and pass every challenge, but, they still have to be approved by their Synod.

The Synod is made up of elected officials, appointed and lay (non-ordained) persons. I think I said that right.  They review the cadency paperwork; interview the candidate, and allow them to start.  They are then given endorsement after CPE, again an interview process and another point that could be a “No Vote” and seminary is discontinued.  Then they are interviewed again right after internship. During all this time, the seminarian could be told “NO”.  Imagine going through the process, feeling in your heart of hearts that you are called by God, and yet bureaucracy says “NO”.

Granted, the seminarian could decide this is not for them.  I have heard and have met many who have left for one reason or another, even after all that time and effort.  But to have a person, or group of people, tell you “NO”, is crazy.  Okay, I will admit, sometime, someone on the outside could see things others may not.  But seriously, I’ll say it again, this is just crazy.

This process is not an easy one. I personally don’t fully understand the ins and outs of it all.  But like it or not, I am included in this process, purely because I am a spouse.  I have had to accept life changes that have been both good and bad.  I sweat with the seminarians as they go through each step wondering if they are going to “make it”.

Now with graduation upon us, I too must wait for direction as to where we are headed.  I was given the opportunity to “suggest”, where I would like to be. But the caveat to that was there would be no guarantee.

Life in itself guarantees nothing.  However, I can honestly say even without guarantees, I felt “in control”.   I have not felt “in control” since this journey began. The outcomes from any past decision were mainly due to my good and/or bad choices that I made.  Since this seminary life, my “life” is in the hands of people who have never met me, and who have no idea of what might be good or bad for me. Those same people only know the seminarian by two interviews and what is written in a formal documentation to become a “Rostered, Registered, Leader of the Church” (or something like that).

I know, I continue to struggle with God.  Too much is given to the people to decide. I know God is not a puppet master pulling on our strings. I know God can use our circumstances to work in God’s favor.  But even in a life of uncertainty, you should be able to feel God’s presences, at this time I do not.  Yes, I have heard the saying “even the teacher is silent during the test”, but when does this “test” end? I do not like the phrases we spit out on campus: “trust the process”, “it will all work out”, and a number of others.  What I need now is someone to understand my feelings, let me acknowledge them and feel them.  Sometimes I may need the reminder to “trust GOD”, but for now just bear with me.  This too shall pass, like all things in life.

I’d like to thank Nancy O, spouse to the president of Wartburg Seminary, for sharing this prayer at a FWS (Fellowship of Wartburg Spouses) meeting:

Holden prayer: O Lord God, who has called us, your servants, to ventures of which we cannot see the ending, by paths as yet un-trodden through perils unknown. Give us faith to go out with good courage, not knowing where we go, but only that your hand is leading us and your love supporting us, Through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen

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Pray for me. Pray for Doug, Pray for all of us.

Posted on February 17, 2015 by Kris Dill

Flash back to the year 2011, in the late fall or maybe it was winter, I cannot really recall the exact time. Most people who are faced with difficult life changing events tend to block out the ill memory. Yes it was life changing for me, and hopefully will make me a better person.

I was told, I would be short selling my home, and saying good-bye to my family, friends and enjoyable job, to move to Seminary, in Dubuque, IA. Now I did not have a lot of options. I could not go, but I would still have to let the house go as my income could not come close to paying the mortgage and rest of the living expenses. I’d have to let go of my job too for the same reason. I would also have to divorce my husband of 22 years.

Did I contemplate divorce, yes. I would be lying if I said no. But really a divorce would be stupid because I was just mad. There never was a discussion on what was happening in Doug’s life and the reality of how it would affect the rest of the family. Keep in mind the kids and I were not the one “called” by God to serve in a pastoral position. I will never fully understand that call, as it is not mine.

So I know I can hear you saying “Kris, get over it. We have heard this all before. Why must we read this again?”

Good question. I’m just recapping, it’s my blog and I can write what I want. Seriously, now fast forward to 2015. We are in the final year of seminary and another move is evident no matter what. May 17th is graduation day. We cannot live in campus housing forever. Realistically I wouldn’t want to either. this isn’t exactly the house I would “pick” to live in.

Fortunately this move will not require me to sell anything, I’m renting. I also will not lose my job, as I have the option to continue working from home. No matter where home may be. I am also in better position to say, “I am ready to move.” The last move, I was not prepared for, nor did I want it. Will I miss some of the people I have gotten to know over the last 3 years? Yes, some will be very hard to say good-bye too. But I knew when we arrived this was temporary.

The evening of me writing this, I’m fully aware, tomorrow, 2/18/2015, my fate is being decided by someone else again and it’s not me. Although I had given my “pick” of locations, nothing is guaranteed. Bishops gathered around a table, read a piece of paper of who Doug is and decide where he would “fit” within the congregations. Realistically, this doesn’t seem fair. There maybe only one person in this meeting who really know’s Doug, yet they are deciding where we go, based on what is written about him.

The phrase “trust the process”, is getting old. The process is in place to make things go smoother, but they still involve people. I’m not sure there if there is any “Devine” intervention during this time. I don’t need people to keep telling me the same thing over and over! “it will work out”, “it’s not a death sentence”, “it’s only has to last 3-5 years”, and many other phrases along the way.

Okay, I may be acting selfish here, but after being the supporting one, it would be nice to have a little “thank you”, so to speak. So on the eve of regional assignments, as well as the day of, I have this request. I asked that you pray for me. Pray that I accept, that no matter where we are assigned it will “work out”. Pray that I have the strength to carry out the role I have been dealt, as a “supportive spouse”. Pray that my children will also be accepting of the decision, and know that we love them. Pray for the peace of the Lord to wash over me and carry me forward.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful, one of my “thank you’s” might actually be the fact that I can take my job with me. Maybe, it’s wrong to ask for one more “thank you”, but I am human and God will forgive me. I am not perfect, and I may get my every wish and still be disappointed. But if that were to happen, than I would humbly ask for forgiveness and try to move on.

So my sleep will be restless. My day will drag tomorrow until I return from work. After dinner I must decide if I will choose to celebrate, shed tears or even both who knows. As this announcement is only the first step. There is still synod assignments, and then finding that perfect call. After we reach all those steps, there is still housing requirements, and work requirement, actually packing up and moving on. So I ask you to also pray for our future and trust that in end “it will all work out.” I must also hold on to that one bible passage, that has brought me through some really tough times:

Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Lastly, thank you to everyone who has held us in prayer or supported us in other ways. This journey would not be easy if I felt alone.

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For The Love of Pets.

Posted on November 14, 2014 by Kris Dill

Just about every kid in America wants a pet. Parents on the other hand, would prefer not to have said “pet”. There are just as many arguments as to why a child should have a pet, as there is to not have a pet. Some arguments are plausible, others not so much. Reality is a pet of any kind requires care, time and money. Pets can be both a blessing and a curse, even under the best of conditions.

Trust me when someone says, “it will help teach the kids responsibilities”, that’s not necessarily true. I had cats as a child; I might have had a fish too. I can assure you I fought my mom when it came time to clean out the litter box, or feed the cat. I even recall, a time where I killed the gold fish when in a rush, I made the water too hot. Does that mean I was a murder? “Fish are friends not food!” Each time I had to interrupt, my schedule I wasn’t really happy. Sure, I enjoyed the cats company, and when they snuggled in bed with me, but feed it and clean up after it, no way. My own children to this day, hate to clean up the yard, or clean out the cages.

Today, pets can come in a variety of forms. I even have heard of people having a pet rock or virtual pet. Apparently, you can get a computer game along with a stuffed animal and care for it via the computer. If you don’t provide attention, care, food etc., the virtual pet dies. Interesting concept, not sure if it really teaches a child anything.

When I got married 25 years ago, we adopted a cat. Along with that we had two parakeets. Well who knew a kitten could catch a parakeet and bring it to its untimely death? Lesson learned there. Over the years we obtained 2 cats, 5 dogs, 3 birds, 150 gallon fish tank, 25 gallon fish tank, 2 children, many hamsters, hermit crabs, chinchilla,3 tortoises,2 bearded dragon, and a uromastyx lizard. Surprisingly at this time, we only have 2 tortoises and the 1 lizard. These critters now belong to my “adult” children; however they are still in my home. Wow! After reviewing that list, I think I can see why Becky has chosen the Zoology Field.

Anyway, each critter that came into the house has brought a lesson of some kind. The Lessons learned cover everything from housing to lighting, to location and food. We learned about death, and grief. I know more than I thought I did, but not as much as there is to know about each and every one of them. We have lost pets to death and relocation. None of these are ideal, all were hard to manage. Although I must admit, some were easier than others to say good-bye to.

Recently, as many are aware, we laid to rest our last dog. He was born in Sept of 2000. We were camping when I saw him just after his birth. I knew I wanted him. Doug reluctantly agreed. We kept in touch with the people who had the dog, and when Snickers was old enough I went and picked him up. The rest they say is history. Much like any living being, he had his own personality. Some people liked him, while others didn’t. He was not real good with kids or new people. I knew I could never part with him, no matter what happened. I won’t bore you with all the details, but he had his challenges.

I have never actually gone to the vet to put down an animal. However, the time had come as it was best for Snickers. The Vet was fantastic! I held Snickers as he took his last breath. I believe he knew he was loved, and in some ways thankful for the end. He was in a lot of pain and if I’m correct with my math, he was 98 in human years. Okay if you know me, you know math is not my strong suit so you can double check that.

In many ways this was the most difficult one to say good bye too. I am entering a new phase in my life. My children have never had a home without a fury creature in it. I think I had a hard time with it too, as this officially ends our young family. My family has now all become adults.

We have started another new chapter. Will we get another dog? I think we will, but it will be awhile. Doug will complete seminary in May, and there is still a move in our future. It wouldn’t be right or fair to try and move a dog into this mess. Least I mention, the seminary may allow you to come in with your pet, but not replace it. Once we are settled, where ever that maybe, we will most likely adopt a dog. Of course there is always a possibility a parishioner could present us with one too. No matter how we obtain the dog, I suspect the good-byes will not get any easier or be any different.

However, I am honored and feel privileged that GOD has given me the opportunity to be a good steward over the animals. I liked to think, and will continue to believe, that I will be reunited with all my pets one day.

Proverbs 12:10-The Voice (VOICE)
10 Those that are righteous treat their animals humanely, but the compassion of the wicked is really inhumane.

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Weighing on my mind…….

Posted on September 25, 2014 by Kris Dill

We are such a wasteful society when it comes to food. I noticed in my own family, that leftovers were always getting tossed out. I had to teach myself how to “cut back” on what I make. Sadly there is still food that gets thrown away. As a child I recall someone saying, “There’s a child in China who would love to have what you have,” or something like that. As I became a cocky teenager, I remember thinking, “so send it to them.”

Okay realistically we cannot send our left-overs to less developed countries; after all it would most likely spoil. But think about it for a moment. Wal-Mart, Jewel, Hy-Vee, and any other food store that is offering “pre-cooked” meals, have an abundance of meals left at the end of the day. The store shelves are stocked with many different canned or boxed foods, and the produce isles are lined with produce, much of which will spoil before it is sold. That’s not to mention the frozen section with all the frozen foods. Eventually, those will become freezer burned and pulled from the shelf.
When you go through to the grocery store, do you look at expiration dates? I do. Do you see a damaged box/can and think; I’ll grab one behind it? I do. When we see frozen food, we look to see if it’s not freezer burned. Why do we do that?

Expiration dates or sell by dates can indicate the food will spoil or not taste as good. So the stores will have to toss the food that is spoiled. However, what happens to the food that may not taste as good or look as pretty in the box? Stores will donate those items to local food pantries. This is okay; at least it’s not being wasted. But why do those who need to use the food pantry have to eat expired/damaged food, if you yourself wouldn’t? People make a conscious effort to clean out their cabinets, and “donate” what they do not like, is expired or no longer want and, then is tossed in the trash or is given to different food pantries.

Food pantries are very dependent on donations. They cannot keep the same items on the shelves, since it’s based on availability. They cannot purchase a lot, as they can only purchase items they can afford with their funding. Most of that food that is donated is expired/damaged/freezer burned. This is very concerning.

We are able to feed our pets better than a food pantry can supply people. Do you have any idea who actually uses the food pantry? Do you think they are all homeless, lazy or on state aide? Some of that may be true. Did you know they are also single parents who make too much money to qualify for food stamps or state aide. However, they make just enough to cover their housing expense and gas to get to and from work. Did you know they could be students who cannot afford housing, but live out their cars while they attend school, or sleep on a friend’s dorm room floor? There are many other scenarios that I could produce, but you get the idea.

Using the food pantry can be very humbling. The food available is on a first come first serve basis so to speak. After all, items are limited and certainly not guaranteed.
I am a recipient of the food pantry. I make too much to qualify for food stamps and Doug’s work study doesn’t actually pay the “big” bucks. We still have to pay health insurance, life insurance, car insurance, gas, utilities and more. So we do supplement our grocery shopping with the food pantry on campus. We do eat expired, damaged, freezer burnt food. It is often tasteless, flat and stale. I’m not complaining really, I’m just pointing out some information so that maybe you can help your local food pantry.

“Extreme” couponers, rather than hoard their goods, could in fact help the food pantry out, who desperately need it. This not to say they all hoard. Some do give to the food pantry too. The food pantry will also take paper goods, toiletries, feminine products, and laundry soap. Trust me when I say, when you struggle to eat, you also struggle for the basic necessities too.

So I ask you, the next time you shop, think about your local food pantry. Your buy one get one free can be shared. Or if you are an “extreme” couponer who stocks up with great deals, maybe you can share your “wealth” with your local food pantry or church food pantry. Maybe you have a neighbor who can use a little help. I know this seminary journey has changed me in many ways. My goal is to try and figure out how to be an “extreme” couponer and share my “extra” items. I would also like to learn how to get the word out to others about the needs of the food pantry.

Luke 3:11 ESV
And he answered them, “Whoever has two tunics is to share with him who has none, and whoever has food is to do likewise.”

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“Letting Go”

Posted on September 11, 2014 by Kris Dill

It has taken some time to write about this topic. I wanted to be sure I didn’t sound like the cry baby mom that I am. I am not apologizing for my tears, I take great pride in owning them. Now, I either read somewhere or heard somewhere, that tears are a gift from GOD. My emotions allow me to fully empathize and take on the emotions with you. Yes this is both a “blessing” and a “curse”. After all, who else cries in commercials, TV program’s and movies? Oh and even books! Ah Lucky me. I have been told, I should sell my services. Maybe there is good money in being a professional crier.

I was reading an article about “helicopter” parents, in the latest issue of “Family Circle” magazine. You know who they are. They are the ones always ready to fight for the child, whether it be in grades or job negotiations. Those parents won’t let their child get hurt or fail. I, on the other hand can’t keep up with my own problems let alone try to balance my children’s issues, and I only have two. So, yes, I will let my child get hurt and will let them fail. In reality that’s life. That’s not to say, that if they ask for my help, I wouldn’t help. But I will not be the first one to jump in there and fight. Especially when they are now both adults.

However, it doesn’t make it any easier to say good bye. My house has changed forever. Gone are the days of elementary school, middle school, and high school. There are no more football games, or band competitions. No longer do I have to attend the parent teacher conferences, or speak with the school nurse. No, now I have to deal with all the scary topics of adult hood and living away from home.

Suzy Bogguss recorded a song back in 1996 The song’s title “Letting Go” It’s about preparing for those mile stones in your life, you think you’re ready for but, really you’re not.

“She’ll take the painting in the hallway, The one she did in jr. high And that old lamp up in the attic, She’ll need some light to study by. She’s had 18 years to get ready for this day She should be past the tears, she cries some anyway.

Oh oh letting go, There’s nothing in the way now, Oh letting go, there’s room enough to fly And even though, she’s spent her whole life waiting, It’s never easy letting go.

Mother sits down at the table So many things she’d like to do, Spend more time out in the garden. Now she can get those books read too. She’s had 18 years to get ready for this day. She should be past the tears, she cries some anyway.”

As I began to pack her room over the summer, I was just packing things up. I was preparing for her move but was planning for our move as a family as well. So boxes were tapped with one type of tape for school, and another colored tape to take to the new home. I didn’t really think much of it. As we packed we also removed several items out of the house as well. Books, toys, games, music and things that had little value or memories. Her room was packed, ready for college and ready for the family move in 2015.

The BIG , college move day arrived, we loaded up our cars Becky in one, Doug and I in another. Becky wanted to drive herself. Her logic was if she wants to come home, she may not have riders in the car with her. So armed with two-way radios we were off. Shortly after leaving the house, the tears began to fall. It was really happening. My youngest was leaving home, and my life was changing.

Fortunately, Becky knows her mother is a crier. So she also knows that I truly want her to experience college life. I have tried to instill this into my children that it’s something I truly regret. It was very hard returning to school as an adult. I did it, but it took a lot of work. Becky also really wants a career, not just a job, college is on step on the road to that career.

As we walked around her campus, I cried. She would be handling most of her education now. Especially when it comes to her learning disabilities. It will be up to her to fight for what she needs, something she has always been good at. Although we will always be in the background, ready to assist if need be. “It’s never easy…Letting go.”

So here’s to hoping I did things right. I know she will succeed and I am very proud of her. snif

Joshua 1:9New International Version (NIV)

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

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I saw the sign

Posted on August 11, 2014 by Kris Dill

“I saw the sign, it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign”…….. (Ace of Base, 2011)

I wanted to write about something that recently occurred to me. In my last blog I wrote about a “holy 2×4” slapping me against my head. Well luckily that didn’t happen, but something else recently did.

In a past issue of the same magazine “Gather”, I read an article about a women who, facing some difficulties with the death of her daughter due to cancer, asked God for a sign. You see her daughter had cancer when she was younger. The cancer was in remission for several years and then returned again. This time it was certain she would not survive.

The women in the article was frustrated and scared but remained prayerful. During this time she had prayed for a sign from God. Not a sign to heal her daughter, but that everything in the end would be alright. During this prayer she prayed for a truly visible sign, one you don’t question you just know. Out of the blue she thought Blue Heron. She wanted to see a Blue Heron. Why she picked that, she doesn’t know but that’s the sign she wanted, to see a Blue Heron. Well through the course of her daughter’s death and her own healing process, on several occasions, when she didn’t expect it, she would see a Blue Heron. She would see it on the side of the road, in a field, in flight, just about anywhere. Several years later, she said she still sees them just not as often. Now, she will say she isn’t sure if she isn’t seeing them because she is no longer needing the encouragement, or if she isn’t looking as hard.

How does this relate to me, well let me tell you. I recently came across that article again. I read it and it thought. “that’s my holy 2×4!”. No I’m not seeing Blue Herons. However, as my life is continually changing over the last three years, and will continue to do so, I have asked God for a sign. The sign I asked for was the Hummingbird. In prayer I decided “just let me know it’s all okay, send the hummingbird.”

I personally picked that bird, because they just fascinate me. They are a small bird with great strength in the way they hover while they feed. The wings flap so quickly, you can barely see them. In Iowa I have never seen them by my home. While actually I saw once when we first moved in, but haven’t seen one since. So I asked for the Hummingbird. Well a few days went by and I was asking God in prayer, if this path we are on is still the correct path. I asked to see a Hummingbird.

On Friday evening 8/8/2014, while sitting outside with our neighbors, we were just chatting. Out of the blue, Doug points behind me and says, “Kris, Look. It’s a Hummingbird.” I turned around and right there by our side door just a few feet from us, was one single Hummingbird. Mind you, I didn’t tell anyone, I was looking for a hummingbird as a sign. My response was complete shock, and it flew away as quickly as it came. I then shared with Doug and our neighbors about the sign I was asking for.

Now, is this coincidence? Was it God giving me what I asked for? Was this bird confirming the path we are on is correct? I chose to believe, God sent me my sign. Everything at this time is okay. The path is correct. I also believe that I will continue in my times of struggle, to ask God to send me that Hummingbird, when I’m feeling lost and insucure. This sign as little as it might be, gave me encouragement, and builds my faith a little more. I can feel the mustard seed inside, just starting to sprouting its roots.

What sign do you need, that God loves you and is with you always.

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Are you there God? it’s me…..

Posted on August 8, 2014 by Kris Dill

Over the last three years I have had a subscription to the “Gather” magazine. It is a small publication put out by the Women of the ELCA, based in Chicago. It contains several different articles, related to a particular theme that month, as well as a bible study that is meant to be shared with in your congregations.

I will admit, the first article I read, I thought this magazine would be rather “preachy”, or “religious”. However, being the dutiful pastors spouse, it might be good to start looking at it in case someone asks me about it. What did I know? I’m new to this pastors wife thing. Aren’t we all supposed to be reading this magazine? Aren’t we all supposed to able to hold a bible study from our home? Anyhow, I digress as usual.

The next article I received contained a bible study and articles about a journey. This theme would run for a couple of issues. It talked about biblical journeys and journeys of today. I found it comforting to help adjust to the move to Dubuque, even if it was still a tough struggle. However, the articles all said they same thing about the travel and different struggles people face from Cultural differences to the simple state location.

Over time I have read many articles, some inspiring, while other not so much. Not every article can be a winner, much to the editors disappointment. Nonetheless, I continued my subscription. I have participated in bible studies from those magazines both in my home and while on our internship. What prompts this message today was an article I read in the September 2014 issue. “Abiding Presence” by Kathryn Haueisen.

The article grabbed my attention, and while reading the article I was both amazed and awed. The writer wrote about a women, who as child endured many hardships, but she remained faithful in prayer and faithful in God’s protection and comfort. The article pointed to an absolute God moment for this women.

The women’s name is Karen Davidson, a widow who had lived alone for many years, but had lived in her home over 40 years. One evening she was climbing the stairs up to her room for the night and fell backwards down those stairs. She was shocked of course, who wouldn’t be. She was laying on her back at the bottom of the stairs with her legs caught between the banister railings. Amazingly, after the initial shock, she picked herself back up, walked to the living room and sat in her chair. She then decided it was best to try and go back to bed. So up the stair she went. In the morning she had feelings of numbness, contacted a neighbor who was a nurse, who provided transportation to get her to the hospital immediately. While there it turns out she needed emergency surgery. So Long story short, she really should have died or should have been paralyzed. Her neck was broken along with 3 vertebrae that were missing. During her recovery she had time to reflect over her life and saw where God was present and saved her from some very real disasters. She doesn’t call them miracles, but she does say how God has a plan for her and her job is not completed her on earth. So she continues to pray faithfully, and works with programs through her church and in the Gulf Coast Synod.

I have told Doug on several occasions how I wish I could be hit over the head with a Holy 2×4, to figure what’s going on in my life. I try to hold the biblical parable of the mustard seed. I have that mustard seed, I just haven’t let it grow completely within me. This article made me reflect over my life too. No I’m not injured, or deathly ill. I am not homeless or alone. I am no different than many others. I wanted to reflect, now, not wait until I have a near death experience.
If I really look back over my life, I do see God has been there along. God’s son Jesus has walked along side of me, and has tried to give me direction. Directions I chose to either ignore or refused to see. I don’t have amazing stories like Karen, in the article. I only have little things.

I’m still alive and relatively healthy. Both my kids are still breathing and with no alignments or threats of doom. I’m still happily married, have old and new friends. I have life experiences, and more to come. I just need reminders along that way, that God is near. That my prayers do not fall on deaf ears, but my prayers are not always answered the way I want them to be. Sometimes, God says NO, or Not yet, wait. Although not easy, God’s time is always perfect and his path for me is perfect. I just need to cultivate and work on that mustard seed, so I no longer have doubt.

To steal a quote form Karen in the article. “God really is in charge of my life.” I’m not sure where this last quote fits in, but it is my new favorite.
“Sometimes the Devil allows people to live a life free of trouble, cause he doesn’t want them TURNING TO GOD”. from the movie “GOD NOT DEAD!

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The Pastor’s Wife

Posted on July 16, 2014 by Kris Dill

This blog is different from my last few blogs. But I didn’t realize how much this topic bothers me.

When people ask me what my husband does, I always stop and think. Depending on who’s asking, my reply is typically, he’s a seminarian or he’s a pastor. I know, I know, I’m saying two different things depending on who I’m talking to.

Why you ask? Well if I’m at work, I cannot share that Doug’s a student. That means once he’s done we move. At least that’s what an employers might say. Why promote someone who will move in the near future? They don’t care if I’m the “bread-winner” we stay in the area. They don’t ask those questions. They just hear “leaving” whether you said it or not. That’s why I say pastor, or nothing at all.

Of course, outside of work activities, Doug is a student. No one assumes or asks questions. Okay, yes all our neighbors are too. So yes that helps. Yes, the church he interned at knew. This is how it works.

But lately, when someone asks me; “what does your husband do?”. My reply is he’s a pastor. What happens next makes me giggle, and yet sad too. The response is “you’re a pastors wife?” The last person asked “so are you like really religious?” What does that even mean?

Why yes, yes I am a pastors, (or soon to be), wife. Why is this so shocking? I don’t believe I act any differently than anyone else. I don’t dress any differently, or talk any differently than the average person. I listen to a wide range of music, I even enjoy alcoholic beverages from time to time. So tell me, what does a pastor’s wife look like? What do you envision when you think about a pastor’s wife.

Does my husband’s occupation have to define who I am or who I should be? Does a doctors wife look or act a certain way? Does an electrician, farmer or teachers wife look or act a certain way? No! So why look odd at me?

I don’t actually look religious, or act like a preachy nut job. But I do believe in God! I will partake in a bible study with you, and I will pray with you and for you, if that’s what you need. But I’m still human. I love my country music, along with pop, rock, new age, and even Christian hard rock, and Christian rock. I like my adult beverages, and “Walking Dead”, “Witches of East End”, and “the Middle” TV Shows and many more! I’m proud of my husbands choice. But seriously, I am me, just as you are you.

Now after reading this, what does a pastor’s wife look like?

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Time to start the packing.

Posted on July 13, 2014 by Kris Dill

Today, I used technology, Skype, to speak with Becky. It was helpful to getting things started and the boxes packed for college. There is still a lot to due, but at least we started. After all she moves out Aug 15th. Plus, to make matters tougher, she will only be home for 11 days before the move.

As I packed the boxes and showed her things, I was able to send several items to good will. This packing is different and unique then the packing that was done to move to seminary. by the end of the packing we started just throwing things in the box ready to move. There was no organization, no plan, just pack and move along. There were also strong emotions.

This packing is so much smoother, even with the distance. We have accepted and embraced our new journey, and the messy boxes were thrown in an attic, waiting for the next move. At least we were well aware that this move was temporary. So now begins the task of making this next move even easier. Emotions are still high, but they are more of excitement, joy, nervousness and memories of years gone by.

We have learned from many here on campus who have moved in and out. Size and weight of boxes makes for a much easier move. But that also means deciding, what to keep and what not to. This time, we are going room by room, Becky’s being first.

We started with easy items, then moved to decorations so to speak. We had four piles; garbage, give aways, college, next home. We have managed to pack two boxes for the next home and at least six boxes for college. We were able to take 1 large black bag full of giveaways and half of a box, along with 1 large bag of trash. It’s amazing how much one can gather. Where did we get it, why did we get, and why did we keep it, runs through our minds.

So many items brought tears in the eyelids, while others brought smiles. I fear my aunt and uncle will be scared off by the amount of boxes she maybe bringing to school. Thank goodness we will have two cars! I would hate to pull in with a U-haul. Good news is the plan is to be at school for at least four years, so we felt it was best to send all her clothes with her as well as some comforts from home. I’m thinking she will just be visiting us from this point forward.

With summer jobs, possible internships, it’s unknown where she will be next summer. She may be able to come help us move. She may meet us in our new location. The journey is unknown.

It’s hard to believe that my job is taking on more the role as the advisor, no longer the care taker. My role changed almost over night. I remember thinking when she cried as a baby that the time would never end. Alas, now I wonder where did that time go?

This is going to be a strange school year for me. As Doug returns to class, so will Becky just not here. I no longer have to worry about school closings, band meetings, parent nights or buying school supplies. How weird will that be? I will no longer see her play in the marching band, or track. Now I will only hear about it when it’s over.

But I’m ready for this. Of course I’m sure I will cry when I say good -bye. Anyone who knows me, knows that’s how it goes. Yet I’m so excited for Becky to start her new life and wish only the best for her. She will succeed,if she puts her mind to it. I will start my new chapter, with the church and the new plans God has in store for all of us. It won’t be easy, but it will be the way it should be. I am not the first mom to go through this, and I will not be the last.

Jeremiah 29:11New International Version (NIV)

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

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A Reason a Season or a Lifetime

Posted on July 6, 2014 by Kris Dill

A R E A S O N A S E A S O N O R A L I F E T I M E

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But,only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author Unknown

It’s amazing when you find your thoughts expressed in a poem that someone else wrote. For me this is how seminary and internship work.

When we first arrived, at the seminary there were people who helped us move in, and then were gone. Some stayed and became friends. Some moved on to their new congregations, or back to their home country. Yet each one left an impression on my life. Maybe not all impressions were good, but not all were bad.

Internship has been that way too. There were many who came to say hello, many to help us acclimate to our new “church”, many who went out of their way to befriend us, and many still, who will remain in our hearts. Again, impressions that will last, and help me as I move forward to our first call in 2015.

Internship was not just for Doug to learn the “ropes” so to speak. It was a learning time for me as well. I was lucky enough to get a real glimpse in to our future. No, I did not get the winning lottery number, rob a bank or been given the “gift” of millions. I cannot see who my friends or enemies will be, all though all that would be helpful. But I do see the long hours, the short hours. I see the missed gatherings and the gatherings all with family, friends, and church members. I see the stress, and not so much stress that every job holds. I see the light in the faces of those who trust in GOD, those learning to trust in GOD and those who have turned away from GOD.
I have also learned things about how I want to be and how not to be. I’m still learning how to say “NO”, if I really cannot do what is asked of me. I have learned to let people down easily without offending them. Although I could still use some more work on that. I do still struggle with feeling guilty after saying “NO’, but does that ever get easy?

The biggest thing I have learned overall is Good-byes never get any easier.” So as our good-bye lunch was today. I cried more than I eclectic. I never realized how easy it is to get attached to a church or the people in it. But this is our journey.

There is a season, a reason and a lifetime.

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