Family Dill Blog

Alas Doug is still waiting; to recap here is where Doug and the family stand.February: Doug was assigned to region 5. This encompasses Illinois, Iowa, Wisconsin and the UP.
March: Doug was assigned to the East Central Synod in WI. This includes but is not limited to Green Bay, Appleton, Wausau and Door County to name a few.

May: Graduation day and opportunities begin to present themselves.

By the end of May Doug was given the name and location of a church for a co-pastoring position. A Phone interview took place, but sadly due to a series of events; the position went to someone else. This was unexpected for Doug and the bishop too. So we all wait again for direction.

Some time passed and Doug was advised there could be a “mission development/redevelopment” that would be available. So again Doug waited to hear more. The Bishop referred Doug to the ELCA in Chicago to discuss potential training to be a mission developer/redeveloper.

While waiting for his interview with the ELCA, Doug spoke with a classmate who advised Doug to follow up with the bishop, since there were still no leads and much time had passed. After his conversation with the bishop, he learned he was being released to the region. So in my terms, for me to understand, the bishop remains his bishop, but he’s name and paperwork will go out to all of region 5.

So the wait continues. Doug heard from another bishop and he had an interview with a church in Iowa. Although the interview was good, this was not the call for him. He did meet with the ELCA, regarding the training, but is still waiting to hear back from them. Can you see where my anxiety is stemming from? Doug has a huge school debt and no job. I’m not sure how Doug remains so clam.

As he continues to wait there are synod assemblies and youth gatherings going on and the bishops are tied up, so candidate searches are put on hold. This is normal for this time of the year. Doug has kept busy with working for the seminary and doing supply preaching. Supply preaching by the way is like the substitute teacher, you fill in where needed.

Another set of paperwork arrived in the beginning of July, however, after much conversation and prayerful consideration, Doug declined to be seen by this church. Many factors go into seeing if any church would be the right fit. Doug’s gifts must be matched as closely as possible to the church that is looking. What church wants a pastor who’s not a good fit?

So in a sense we have had 3 possibilities and 1 hint. In baseball terms; that would be 1 ball and 3 strikes. Are we out? No, you see looking at the positive side and using bowling terms, we have a turkey with a possible spare in our future! We just need to throw the second ball down the alley to pick up the remaining pins.

This is why Houdini was adopted. It’s hard to wait for the start of our future. I do believe God is working with this situation, even if I don’t feel or see it. I allowed myself to believe that right after graduation, we would be starting our future life in the church. I never expected it could take this long. One by one the families and classmates of Doug’s are leaving. There is very few left. I believe we are the last family hanging out and waiting, with no move date in our future.

I’m thankful that Houdini is there to help me change my thought process, to focus on training him and caring for him. Becky is home again for another month before she returns to school, and I’m starting to get back to the projects I started while on internship and this last year. I’m planning my days as if we are not moving. It’s better for me this way. Maybe it’s a type of denial, but if I keep looking to the future, I will sink back into depression and feel completely lost.

For those who read this I ask for continued prayers for our family. I selfishly ask for myself, for prayers of peace and contentment, and to trust God is “WITH” us through this process. I ask for prayers that the right fit is found for Doug, the family and the congregation he will serve.

Deuteronomy 29:29The Voice (VOICE)

29 Only the Eternal knows the secret things. But we and our descendants are always responsible for what has been revealed to us, and we need to obey every word of this law.

*Disclaimer, please be advise this is a long one.

Everyone who reads this blog is aware of the stress and anxiety I have had over the last several months/years. The most recent event in my life, took me to a whole new level.

On June 22nd, I attended my last bible study, for the summer with a group of fine women. I walked away feeling refreshed, renewed and ready to face the challenges. Although a little sad, because this was the last study I would have with this group. I spoke to Doug on my way home as he was out of town, to hear about his trip. I was feeling pretty good overall.

I returned home around 9:30 PM and pulled into my driveway. Upon exiting my car, I was then greeted by a friend on campus, as she was walking her dog. We chatted for almost hour. The night was pretty nice, after some very strong winds and rain throughout the day.

When I got into the house, I noticed Doug had called. Thinking it was odd to have him call at 10:30 at night; I sent a text and asked him if he still needed something. To my surprise, he advised he was given word from a friend, that our much loved campground, where we have camped the last 16 years, was hit by a tornado. He didn’t have much information, but knew it was not good.

My first reaction was Thank God, we were not there. We have been there during some heavy storms and it’s a little intense. But we have never been there when the sirens have gone off, or threats of tornados in the area. Immediately after that, I was struck with the thought of our place! Yes, don’t get me wrong, I worried about the campers too.

I hit Facebook immediately, and tuned into WGN live streaming, a station out of Chicago. I had to know more. The trailer is where we are storing a lot of our stuff that we couldn’t bring to campus due to lack of space. This included Christmas decorations, the kid’s toys they wanted to save, books, tools, lawn mower and more.  

I kept telling myself as I watched Woodhaven’s two Facebook pages blow up with concerns, that this is just “stuff”, it can all be replaced. Lives on the other hand cannot be. I continued to scroll through comments and posts. I started tagging the people I have never met, but stated they were in my section looking for information. Around 2:00 AM, I was able to connect with three people very near my own site, in our section. One in particular advised she was there on the grounds, and would check in later in the day on the 23rd.

After about three hours of sleep, I got up and prepared for work. You can imagine my struggles being exhausted from lack of sleep, getting ready for work, while still checking in on any news I could gather about my camp site. I had to remind myself at work to stay focused on the job. I would continue to check Facebook on my breaks and lunch, to see if there was any news.

Many pictures were starting to pop up around the campgrounds, during the day. As I saw these pictures a few things happened. Yes, my anxiety rose. What was the person going to show me in the pictures of my place? I also started to think, if the news was bad what would I do? What can I do? I was fully aware the grounds are closed to the public, as they do a search and rescue to each and every lot. The reports were advising the campgrounds were far worse than anyone had originally thought. Certain sections on the campgrounds were “un-recognizable”, and the pictures proved that. The toppled trees that buried the structures underneath, confirmed they had to go door to door, lot by lot, to ensure no one was trapped inside, or dead. Now I really understood the devastation.

As of the time I write this, no deaths have been reported, only minor injuries. There was one transport to the hospital, but they were being observed only overnight. What a blessing this is. A campground is filled with tents and trailers none are suitable protection against a tornado. Many advised they huddled in the bathrooms that are located in each section. Mind you they are not big, but at least they were a concrete structure. I can only imagine if this had been a weekend, or a holiday weekend, there would have been no room in those bathrooms. On the 22nd it was determined there were about 600 people on the grounds. On weekends this number is in the thousands, and holidays are worse. I don’t have the exact statistics but I believe I have heard sometime there can be up to 30 thousand people on those grounds.

The campground is located in Sublette, Illinois. It is a private campground, one of the largest campgrounds in Illinois. It is unique in that you own your property, and are responsible for the up keep. Some places have tents or trailers, others more elaborate cabins. The grounds have a lot of recreational activities all year long. We have watched our kids grow up there, and have great memories with friends and family that have joined us. Even today, my adult children like to go and enjoy the relaxation and quiet from the daily grind. So what if the trailer is gone? In fact, my youngest would like to purchase the property from us, when we feel it’s time to let it go. What if there is nothing left of it? Yes we can rebuild, but we may not have the funds.

I did finally received photo confirmation around 3:15 pm on the 23rd, that my site and those around me were virtually untouched. In my little area of “haven” you would never know a tornado went through the grounds. But there are many who were not so lucky. It may seem silly to be so upset about “stuff”, but it was “stuff” we worked hard for. This “Stuff” is still the constant in this turbulent time of our lives. It is a place we can count on that is ours. We do not rent it; we own it, paid for in cash for the land. I am very grateful we were spared. I am very grateful, that a family who was borrowing our trailer, left the day before. This could have been far worse, lives could have been lost. Stuff is replaceable, Lives…..are not!

Also, as I write this, more storms are approaching the area. The forecasters are predicting the same type of storms or worse possible. I am clinging to the hope, that we will once again be spared and that those who are trying to recover do not fare any worse. There is still much clean up to do. It will take time, and the grounds will never be the same. I am awed by the support that campers are giving each other, and friendships that are being formed, my own included. It should never take a tragedy like this to form such tight bonds.  

This is the one of those times, where social media was used to its fullest potential, not as an open diary, but as a vessel for information. I’m also sure this time will never be forgotten. I will try to never take for granted the things I have, or the life I have. I did in the past. But since moving to seminary, and learning about myself, I am also learning about what the blessings are in my life too.

John 3:16 ESV : For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

How do I make it okay?

Can you visualize the cartoon character that is running and suddenly realizes they are no longer on the ground just suspended in mid-air? Sometimes they’re lucky and they can sneak back to land, while another may just fall “splat” to the ground.

I feel that way now, suspended in mid-air. I’m not sure I can reach the ledge, but I’m not ready to fall “”splat” to the ground either. So how do I make it okay?

As we sit during this time of waiting, how do I make it okay? I am lucky enough to have a job, to take me off the campus daily. Doug on the other hand, does not. During this transition he is working back in the IT world for the seminary, a necessary choice, if not what he really wants to do. Without that I’m not sure where we would live. He could not have predicted this and we are lucky for this opportunity.

But I must ask, why are we waiting? I’m not sure why this has been such a difficult journey for me. Maybe that is why we sit. Maybe there is something else for me to learn. Maybe, this is just how it is with no rhyme or reason.

We are entering that difficult time of seminary life, as we once again say good-bye and God speed to those who have been ordained and moving on. We are not the only ones who sit in wait, but we are one of the few with no clue of whats next. Or how long we will be here?
I am at loss. I don’t know how to make it okay. I don’t know who to ask. I hear this graduating class, has not gone as smoothly as other classes. Some have been released from the original assignment. Some have not even been in conversation with their bishop, and wont be until the fall. Yet still others have been ordained, soon to be ordained, interviewing or waiting for the vote to be accepted. Here we still wait.

I am human. It is hard to not be jealous, angry and scared. The words “trust the process”, still ring in my ears. Well guess what, to me this process has no rhyme or reason. I’m trying to erase the phrase “trust the process” and replace it with “Trust in God”, but I struggle with that too. What are we not doing, that we should be doing? How do we make this okay?
At a recent ordination, this was one of the readings:

Genesis 32:22-32 New International Version (NIV)

Jacob Wrestles With God

22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,[a] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”
29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”
But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.
30 So Jacob called the place Peniel,[b] saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”
31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel,[c] and he was limping because of his hip. 32 Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the tendon attached to the socket of the hip, because the socket of Jacob’s hip was touched near the tendon.

The bishop later brought this reading into her sermon. She had asked the women being ordained “how is your hip?” she proceed to break down the reading in a way that I could relate to. I’m hoping now, it will help me through this time of transition.

For those who read this I ask for continued prayers. I thank you for letting me babble, with the hope of one day writing something that is fun, full of life and laughter.

So how is my hip? I’m learning to walk with a limp. How do I make this okay?

Change is defined as: 1.) make or become different. 2.) Take or use another instead of.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 The Voice (VOICE)
3 Teacher: For everything that happens in life—there is a season, a right time for everything under heaven:

Even Peter Brady, from the ever happy Brady family sang his song about “when it’s time to change….”

Change can bring on many different feelings and emotions. People change jobs, personalities, homes, cars, internet providers and the list goes on. You understand what change is, you have changed many things during your life. But change not only affects yourself, it also affects those around you.

Recently, Doug and I were discussing the children on the campus. Some of those children are from the final year students, some have just completed their first year, and some are in the middle of the seminary journey. All of the children range in age from infant to high school age. So when their parents made the decision to come to seminary, the children were brought along for the ride, my own included.

I know my daughter wrote a high school paper that was heart wrenching about her move in the middle of her sophomore year. The paper went on to describe her feelings of leaving. It was horrible. It reminded me of when we moved the first time with her. She cried the first few nights, wanting to go home. She couldn’t understand and didn’t want to say good-bye to her first set of friends. Now fast forward six years later, even though she was older and maybe wiser, she didn’t like this new home in Dubuque. Don’t worry, the end of her paper turned very positive and she grew from the experience of moving to Dubuque.

However, that’s not always true of the children on campus. Some do not have the ability to process the changes taking place. Here’s what it looks like for the seminary child: Move to seminary for the first year. After the first year, the child continues to build bonds with other children. After the second school year, they will most likely move for the internship, which lasts for one year. They will then move back to campus for the last year, and not necessarily in the same house they left. The kids will move again, after the final year to a new church home for their parent to start their service.

I know of one family, that after graduation, their children were shocked after the first year leaving seminary that they didn’t have to move again. The question still came up on the second year, as it was hard for them to fathom the fact they were staying awhile. So you see these kids, move a minimum of 3 times while their parent obtains their Masters in Divinity. As just a side note, many first calls will only last 3-5 years. It is not uncommon for the kids to move again in a short period of time after graduation and First call.

So I guess I’m wondering, when someone is discerning their call, how do we as parents help our children? Essentially this decision will turn their lives upside down. I get sometimes that cannot be helped, but it’s so frustrating. Yes, I know military families do this all the time. But it’s rare that someone with older children suddenly decides to enlist and move their children to another place in the country.

Some children on campus are experiencing real anxiety issues over the next step. Some I believe are in denial. There are even those who don’t realize what’s really going on. There are even some who might even be looking forward to the next journey, as well as those who just “go with the flow”. It’s so hard to hear the kids say, “when we move back home” shortly after arriving….only to find out they will likely not return back to their original homes.

I wonder if this is how the disciples felt when they first decided to follow Jesus. They left their families behind and walked in faith. Seminary students do not leave their families behind; their families walk with them during this journey. During this journey, the family changes in their faith and family ties. It’s just so hard to help the children understand, when sometimes the adult doesn’t understand either.

Maybe that’s why so many find this poem so comforting………

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints. So I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?” The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you.” Mary Stevenson

Copyright © 1984 Mary Stevenson, from original 1936 text, all rights reserved

Reposting with corrected errors. Sorry.
Have you ever heard the phrase, when one door closes another door opens? maybe you’ve heard the phrase it’s just not meant to be. Maybe you’ve heard, it’s not in God’s plan for you. Or better yet the saying of,  there is always something better out there, or a hundred other similar statements.  I like many have said those same phrases to other people. I didn’t realize the impact that those phrases actually have on someone during the different phases of their life.
As I have written in the past, Doug is graduating on May 17th, and Doug now waits for his call. While many around us, have had interviews, some have been given offers and some are announcing their ordination. There are also many around us who have not spoken to their Bishop, received paperwork or have any clue as to next step in the future. This seminary journey has been one that has brought challenges, and  it has brought anger, frustration and many tears.  For myself there has also been many doubts. I would even go as far as to say, I have doubted my faith.  I’m sure you have done that at one time or another.
Recently we experienced a possibility of a first call. when I first heard the news I must admit I was not very excited. I guess that’s because being here, and reflecting on my life in general, sometimes getting excited leads to disappointment. Sadly the news was disappointing. This particular first call was not to be. So I reflect back to the phrases that I mentioned  in the first paragraph.
This particular opportunity that was presented did not go very far due to other complications unrelated to us. In some ways it was kind of a relief. after all I wasn’t feeling too confident about the call in the first place. I’m not sure why I felt that way. I had absolutely nothing to base it on. I never met anyone from the congregation, all I did was read a piece of paper. So when the news was brought to me that this was not going to go any further than the one phone call,  I was not shocked. Surprisingly in fact I was not surprised at all.
I think my response shocked Doug a little bit. After all my typically  first reaction is to breakdown and blame everyone and everything. This was not to be the case. as I stated earlier I was not surprised. In some ways maybe it was a relief. I will admit, I have no idea why I even should feel relief. After all this means, we wait. How long we wait is really unknown.
But then again I do question why it was put before us in the first place. In some ways it felt like we were being teased. Of course this was not what it was meant to be. The Bishop himself was shocked as to what took place. It was not what he expected either. In fact Doug said he could hear the shock and concern in the bishops voice. One of the reasons we will now wait, is sadly due a family member who passed away in the bishops family.  It would be unfair to think, he should even have to focus on anything more than his family right now. I would expect nothing less if I were in that position.
However, I can also express my frustration and yes even some disappointment. So here’s is what I take from this experience. The first is,  I don’t like any of those phrases that I have already mentioned. I will try my best to not use them for anyone else either. These are just words, sometimes all you want to hear is “I’m sorry, this must be so frustrating for you.” Secondly, I’m learning to approach things cautiously.  Thirdly, I would rather someone not say anything at all, than what feels like empty words.  Lastly, I have learned that until we have a “signed deal”, and are getting ready to pack the moving truck, there will be no discussion on whether or not,  Doug has received paperwork.
I must also be honest and admit, I am jealous of those who received their first call, those who are interviewing with very good prospects, and those who have paperwork and are starting the process. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel like there is nothing out there for us.  I am clinging to  the hope, that those who have gone before and have waited a long time to get where they are, have stated it they are really happy and the fit is perfect. 
I would also ask that those who are reading this, to lift us up in prayer.  Although Doug is not concerned, I am less confidant.  Probably due to my “lack” of faith.  I will apologize up front for my constant whining and complaining. I apologize to those who truly I am happy for, but yet I’m also very jealous of.  I will try to hold on to the passages that I often fall back on in my time of troubles.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Eternal, “plans for peace, not evil, to give you a future and hope—never forget that.  (Jeremiah 29:11 the Voice translation)
8 Don’t imagine, dear friends, that God’s timetable is the same as ours; as the psalm says, for with the Lord, one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like one day. 9 Now the Lord is not slow about enacting His promise—slow is how some people want to characterize it—no, He is not slow but patient and merciful to you, not wanting anyone to be destroyed, but wanting everyone to turn away from following his own path and to turn toward God’s.[c]

 (2 Peter 3: 8-9)

In just a little over a month, Doug will graduate with a Masters in Divinity. Shocking I know.  If you had known him, when I met him, you would never have foreseen this coming.  This just goes to show that people can and do change overtime. 

Not unlike any student who graduates from college there is much anticipation in the air.  Along with that also comes, the anxiety of what’s next.  Colleges offer job fairs where you can submit resumes, and participate in general interviews. The student then waits to hear back from the potential employer.  In the meantime, it’s helpful if they look on their own as well.

Seminary is different. The seminarian cannot look on his/her own, while he/she waits.   I have written in the past about how the seminarian completes paperwork, and offers preference of where they wish to be.  The bishops meet; the seminarians name is pulled and is then assigned to a synod. Once the synod has been assigned, the seminarian will hear from the bishop and the process begins.  Keep in mind also there could be more than one seminarian heading into the same synod.

Just as with job fairs, the seminarian waits. How long he/she waits depends on many things.  Each synod has a bishop. Each bishop has their own way of doing things.  Some are quick, some not so much.  Here’s what the big picture kind of looks like, but based on the bishop, can vary.

Bishop calls the seminarian. The conversation is short. “Hi.  welcome to X synod my name is bishop Y. I will be reaching out to you soon so we can meet and talk.  I look forward to meeting you….blah blah blah.” Call ends.

Seminarian sits…….wait time depends on the bishop.  Some are called just shortly thereafter the first call, others could wait longer.

The seminarian now meets the bishop either in person, on the phone or via Skype/Face time. Some may ask what the seminarian is looking for, some may not. Some may ask about what the family is looking for some may not.  Some will only have 1 or 2 churches, where another will have several churches looking for a pastor.  Some bishops will have several seminarians from the same school “compete” so to speak for the same church, while others may not.   No it’s not really a competition, but it feels that way.

The bishop will now send the seminarians paperwork to the churches looking for a pastor, they will also send the church information to the seminarian.  Now the seminarian waits for the church to review the paperwork.  When they are ready, the church will now setup an interview.

Depending of course on how many they may be interviewing, there could be more than one interview for each candidate.  Once the church likes the seminarian, paperwork is given to the bishop to review for compensation etc.  

An Offer is made, once the offer is accepted or denied the church moves forward.  If accepted it, it must go through a church vote. This maybe up to a month after the offer has been accepted. Once the vote is passed, the date is set and the rest they say is history.

This in itself is a pretty long process, and if the seminarian is a lucky one, they can begin shortly after graduation.  However, it can be months after graduation as well.   Now the questions of what if it’s not a good fit and all opportunities in that synod are exhausted, what’s next?

Here’s where my anxiety really kicks in.  The seminarian will wait.  They will wait while their paperwork is passed to other bishops, including other Synods.  In some cases they may have to wait for the next draft, and this could be a year away. So now what?

Yes a contingency plan should be made for such cases.  Yes, this can and does happen, I‘ve seen first-hand with seminarians before us.  But let’s be realistic here.  Who will hire someone, who is trying to interview at other locations and is knowingly going to leave as soon as they are voted in somewhere?  Who can live on no income for a year for that matter?

We are working on our contingency plan, and I am concerned that Doug’s call will take a while to show itself. Doug and the bishops initial goal was June 1st, but we truly do not see that happening. Why? Because we still have not received any paperwork for churches.  The earliest now we could hope for would be July 1st.

Now here’s the last tricky piece to my anxiety ridden life.  I want to be happy for all those who are getting interviews and or offers.  I’m even happy for them to know they have a place to go shortly after graduation.  But I must also be honest in saying, I’m jealous too.  Why don’t we even have interviews yet? Where are we going?  Yes, Yes, different bishops, different ways.

We have not made any “public” announcement because we really don’t know where we are going to end up.   So once again, I ask for continued prayers. 

I will also try to default to one of my favorite verses: Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

This past weekend, I sat with the potential future spouses/significant others of Wartburg, who came along to help their partners decided which Seminary might be the best one for them to enroll in. Oh, how well I recall my own spouse’s/significant others weekend.

At Wartburg, there are two times a year that they hold a Consider Your Call (CYC) weekend.  They invite potential students and their families to come and learn about Wartburg and what it has to offer.  Typically it starts on a Friday and ends on Sunday afternoon/evening.

When I attended the CYC weekend, I cried through the whole visit.  I sat in the same meeting. What I heard was, money is tight, and student insurance is so expensive you will have to go on state insurance.  Oh and you will be using food stamps and a food pantry.  My heart just sank even further.  What do you mean state insurance, food stamps and a food pantry?  I was a raised by a single parent who never had to do that, and I have two other siblings. This information did not make me feel very good about this “call”.  All I could hear was the negative side of things.  Oh and let’s not forget, I was moving from somewhere I have lived my entire life, (Yes how boring that is) along with selling my home and leaving a job I enjoyed. Not unlike many others before me.

So after that weekend, I believed this could never work. This wasn’t for us as a family. This was for single people.  But by that point it did not matter what I thought or believed we were going. 

Now I myself have been on campus since March of 2012. As I mentioned earlier, the CYC weekend happens twice a year.  Usually they occur in October and again in March.  I never wanted to participate; I was after all not the happiest person on campus. I was also never asked to participate, so I was very shocked and surprised when I was asked to join the group for this past weekend’s CYC event. This is a time for the spouses/significant others to get together and ask the questions that relate to them specifically.

Oh how my wheels turned. This would be my chance to really let people know what it was like living here.  To let them know it’s not all holding hands and singing Kumbaya song.  So I gladly agreed.  I remember thinking back to my weekend and what I needed that weekend. I walked up with another spouse to the “castle”, and gathered in a room with two other spouses on campus.  The meeting wasn’t due to start for another 30 minutes or so.  While speaking with the three ladies, I started to think about my CYC weekend.

As I reflected on my past, I realized, I received help with accepting this whole new world.  I sought professional counseling, spoke with friends from back home, and spouses on campus all of which helped me work through a lot of stuff.  I’m still receiving help with this next step in our journey. Looking back, I know now what I needed back then however I didn’t know then what I needed. I hope that makes sense. So do these new folks know what they needed if anything?

Anyway, the new people arrived and we introduced ourselves.  We had one spouse from every class year represented.  Well I should say, minus the internship year, those spouses are not on campus.  Each one of us had a chance to “speak”.

It was my turn, and all though I don’t have enough time or space to tell you the whole conversation, I can give highlights.  I told them, there are a lot of tears, but there is also laughter. This is a whole new lifestyle, with many changes. I didn’t discuss the money aspect other than to say, we are all in the same financial situation. I did say you are encouraged to seek things off campus, like a job or perusing your own career. I encouraged reaching out and asking for help, to swallow that pride. I confirmed that the best thing a spouse can do, is be the main support system, as their task is not an easy one. As a side bar, when I say main support, I’m not speaking finically. 

I did not share the ugly side to living on campus. Yes, there are “clicks”. Yes there is an “in-crowd”. Yes there are “favorites”. Yes there are even “fake” people.  There is a food pantry on campus, but it’s expired, damaged, crushed, and freezer burned items. None of which will kill you, but isn’t all that fresh. On the bright side you do appreciate the fresh food. Yes you can get some paper products and shampoo, all the “cheap” stuff.  Again, you walk away with a better understanding of what a food pantry really needs.  Yes, you can apply for food stamps, and state insurance. However, if you are employed like me, you may not qualify. We don’t and I don’t make that much money, but in the states eyes I do.  This also helped me see that sometimes, it’s the states fault, and people are better off not getting a job.

But in the end, this journey is life changing in so many positive ways. Internship gave me a glimpse of the future and senioritis is real, even for the spouse. Everyone gets through this, some more easily than others.  As mentioned earlier, I’m still going through some stress and anxiety, as I await the “first call” acceptance. Not to mention waiting on opportunities for Doug to even interview.

I think in the end the meeting went well, people asked questions and we provided real answers, but with a positive twist. The ugly side can wait until they arrive, as each person is different. After all, we are all still human, no matter where you live. There is no perfect place here on earth, but how we deal with it, allows us to grow.