Have you ever heard the phrase, when one door closes another door opens? maybe you’ve heard the phrase it’s just not meant to be. Maybe you’ve heard, it’s not in God’s plan for you. Or better yet the saying of, there is always something better out there, or a hundred other similar statements. I like many have said those same phrases to other people. I didn’t realize the impact that those phrases actually have on someone during the different phases of their life.
As I have written in the past, Doug is graduating on May 17th, and we are waiting for our first call.Many around us have had interviews, some have been given offers and some are announcing theirordination. There are also many around us who have not spoken to their Bishop, received paperwork or have any clue as to next step in the future. This seminary journey has been one that has brought challenges, and it has brought anger, frustration and many tears. For myself there has also been many doubts. I would even go as far as to say, I have doubted my faith. I’m sure you have done that at one time or another.
Recently we experienced a possibility of a first call. when I first heard the news I must admit I was not very excited. I guess that’s because being here, and reflecting on my life in general, sometimes getting excited leads to disappointment. Sadly the news was disappointing. this particular first call was not to be. So I reflect back to the phrases that I mentioned in the first paragraph.
This particular opportunity that was presented did not go very far due to other complications unrelated to us. In some ways it was kind of a relief. after all I wasn’t feeling too confident about the call in the first place. I’m not sure why I felt that way. I had absolutely nothing to base it on. I never met anyone from the congregation, all I did was read a piece of paper. So when the news was brought to me that this was not going to go any further than the one phone call, I was not shocked. Surprisingly in fact I was not surprised at all.
I think my response shocked Doug a little bit. After all my typically first reaction is to breakdown and blame everyone and everything. This was not to be the case. as I stated earlier I was not surprised. In some ways maybe it was a relief. I will admit, I have no idea why I even should feel relief. After all this mean, we wait. How long we wait is really unknown.
But then again I do question why it was put before us in the first place. In some ways it felt like we were being teased. Of course this was not what it was meant to be. the Bishop himself was quite shocked as to what took place. It was not what he expected either. In fact Doug said he could hear the shock and concern in the bishops voice. One of the reasons we will now wait, is sadly due a family member who passed away in the bishops family. It would be unfair to think, he should even have to focus on anything more than his family right now. I would expect nothing less if I were in that position.
However, I can also express my frustration and yes even some disappointment. So here’s is what I take from this experience. The first is, I don’t like any of those phrases that I have already mentioned. I will try my best to not use them for anyone else either. These are just words, sometimes all you want to hear is “I’m sorry, this must be so frustrating for you.” Secondly, I’m learning to approach things cautiously. Thirdly, I would rather someone not say anything at all, than what feels like empty words. Lastly, I have learned that until we have a “signed deal”, and our getting ready to pack the moving truck, there will be no discussion on whether or not, Doug has received paperwork.
I must also be honest and admit, I am jealous of those who received their first call, those who are interviewing with very good prospects, and those who have paperwork and are starting the process. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel like there is nothing out there for us. I am clinging to the hope, that those who have gone before and have waited a long time to get where they are, have stated it they are really happy and the fit is perfect.
I would also ask that those who are reading this, to lift us up in prayer. Although Doug is not concerned, I am less confidant. Probably due to my “lack” of faith. I will apologize up front for my constant whining and complaining. I apologize to those who truly I am happy for, but yet I’m also very jealous of. I will try to hold on to the passages that I often fall back on in my time of troubles.
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Eternal, “plans for peace, not evil, to give you a future and hope—never forget that. (Jeremiah 29:11 the Voice translation)
8 Don’t imagine, dear friends, that God’s timetable is the same as ours; as the psalm says, for with the Lord, one day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like one day. 9 Now the Lord is not slow about enacting His promise—slow is how some people want to characterize it—no, He is not slow but patient and merciful to you, not wanting anyone to be destroyed, but wanting everyone to turn away from following his own path and to turn toward God’s.[c]
(2 Peter 3: 8-9)