I’m sure you are wondering if there is any further information, since my last post. Well sadly there isn’t. Hence the reason, no public service announcement has been made. I hope you will respect our situation. We will share when we feel more confident and have information about the future location.
This whole time in seminary has been one of uncertainty. It starts with all the approvals to be given permission so to speak, to get a Master of Divinity, MDIV, in seminary terminology. Once the seminarian receives the okay, classes begin. All classes can be taken on campus. They do have an online program, but the seminarian is still required to come on campus for some “intensive” courses.
The seminarian, like many other degrees, must pass to continue moving forward. Along with the classes, there are periods of different learning opportunities off campus. Using the seminarian terms; J-term, rural plunge, cross cultural, CPE, and internship are all done off site. I’m sure I’m missing stuff, but I’m not the one going through it. Each of these events occurs at a particular time period during the course of study.
Of course you must pass the classes and other events to continue. But while they are taking all the classes, J-term, rural plunges, cross cultural, CPE and internships, they still have to have Synod approval. WHAT????? Yes, Synod approval. You could be the smartest person and pass every challenge, but, they still have to be approved by their Synod.
The Synod is made up of elected officials, appointed and lay (non-ordained) persons. I think I said that right. They review the cadency paperwork; interview the candidate, and allow them to start. They are then given endorsement after CPE, again an interview process and another point that could be a “No Vote” and seminary is discontinued. Then they are interviewed again right after internship. During all this time, the seminarian could be told “NO”. Imagine going through the process, feeling in your heart of hearts that you are called by God, and yet bureaucracy says “NO”.
Granted, the seminarian could decide this is not for them. I have heard and have met many who have left for one reason or another, even after all that time and effort. But to have a person, or group of people, tell you “NO”, is crazy. Okay, I will admit, sometime, someone on the outside could see things others may not. But seriously, I’ll say it again, this is just crazy.
This process is not an easy one. I personally don’t fully understand the ins and outs of it all. But like it or not, I am included in this process, purely because I am a spouse. I have had to accept life changes that have been both good and bad. I sweat with the seminarians as they go through each step wondering if they are going to “make it”.
Now with graduation upon us, I too must wait for direction as to where we are headed. I was given the opportunity to “suggest”, where I would like to be. But the caveat to that was there would be no guarantee.
Life in itself guarantees nothing. However, I can honestly say even without guarantees, I felt “in control”. I have not felt “in control” since this journey began. The outcomes from any past decision were mainly due to my good and/or bad choices that I made. Since this seminary life, my “life” is in the hands of people who have never met me, and who have no idea of what might be good or bad for me. Those same people only know the seminarian by two interviews and what is written in a formal documentation to become a “Rostered, Registered, Leader of the Church” (or something like that).
I know, I continue to struggle with God. Too much is given to the people to decide. I know God is not a puppet master pulling on our strings. I know God can use our circumstances to work in God’s favor. But even in a life of uncertainty, you should be able to feel God’s presences, at this time I do not. Yes, I have heard the saying “even the teacher is silent during the test”, but when does this “test” end? I do not like the phrases we spit out on campus: “trust the process”, “it will all work out”, and a number of others. What I need now is someone to understand my feelings, let me acknowledge them and feel them. Sometimes I may need the reminder to “trust GOD”, but for now just bear with me. This too shall pass, like all things in life.
I’d like to thank Nancy O, spouse to the president of Wartburg Seminary, for sharing this prayer at a FWS (Fellowship of Wartburg Spouses) meeting:
Holden prayer: O Lord God, who has called us, your servants, to ventures of which we cannot see the ending, by paths as yet un-trodden through perils unknown. Give us faith to go out with good courage, not knowing where we go, but only that your hand is leading us and your love supporting us, Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen