All mixed up…….

All mixed up, Sorry this is a long blog………..

The latest bible parable I’m contemplating: Luke 15 11:32 (NIV)
The Parable of the Lost Son

11 Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. 12 The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.13 “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. 14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. 16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.17 “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! 18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ 20 So he got up and went to his father.“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’28 “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. 29 But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. 30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’31 “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

Wow, what a difference a few days can make. God has plans, that don’t always match my plans. I have to trust GOD is with us every step of the way.

This is very hard. When does helping, becoming enabling? In a past blog, I spoke about becoming an empty nester in August. Well surprise, I haven’t even made it to August yet, and my eldest returned home recently.

Of course I’m thrilled! I at least know where he is sleeping, the food he is eating, and if car problems are an issues, this city is small enough he can walk home or we can pick him up.

But, the down side, is the tension is high in the house again. You see my first born does come with baggage. Of course so does everyone else including me. My second and youngest child has her own baggage too. But his baggage is difficult to handle.

To give some background, but not looking for pity or to embarrass him, his life has been an exhausting challenge. Since birth, he has had four surgeries for various reasons. He’s highly intelligent, suffers from narcissism, and is AD/HD, with a splash of Asperger.

School was a fight, he barely graduated HS. He did enroll in college, but couldn’t get the energy to show up. So he eventually dropped out. He became isolated in is his room staying up all night and sleeping all day. He did eventually get a part time job. He later left the part time job for a full time one, only to lose it later due to absences.

He moved out at the end of December and floated between friends and his car. Maybe looking for a job, maybe not. He later tried to move in with a family member, but the circumstances were not right. Maybe that was a blessing in disguise. You see if that family member hadn’t said “no, not now”’ he may not have come home.

I think the only reason he came home, was he didn’t want to live in his car and the friends he was staying with no longer would allow him to stay there, because he didn’t have a job.

When I saw him on Mother’s day, we made an agreement that if he didn’t have a job by the end of the month, he would need to come home. This is tough for him. You see with all his baggage, he blames everyone but himself, and doesn’t like change.

We contacted a friend of his here in town, who worked very hard to get him an interview at the first job my son had. My son applied on line as directed, but didn’t go into see the manager until three days later, and I believe he only went, because I told him I would take him there. Which by the way, I had to wake him up to get him to go. Now we wait for the interview to be scheduled.

So here’s where the mixed emotions come into play. My helping could actually be hurting. He’s back to isolating himself in his room, and playing video games all day, maybe watching a movie here and there. He comes down to forge in the kitchen for food, but disappears again. He will do his own laundry, but little else without direction and constant nagging. Ugh! How do I get him to take responsibility, not just for himself, but for his life? He has alienated many in the family, who offered him food or small jobs, and he never showed. Yet here I am opening the door again, letting him walk through it.

I cannot let him be homeless, the guilt would kill me. So my door is opened for him. All I want for my kids is to have a good life, be able to live on their own successfully and happily. I want them to know I love them and will always be there for them.

However, I also want peace and harmony in our family life. I don’t want to be the middle man between family members and him. I’m not blind to him, or his actions. I know what he’s doing, I just am not sure the best way to “help” him succeed.

So, I’m all mixed up in emotions. I pray that GOD will provide guidance for all us. I ask and thank all of you who continue to pray for our family and for my son.

24” For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate”