Tonight I’m feeling a little lost. Finances are getting tougher, I make little money, and right now I feel abandoned by God.<\/p>\n
Harsh, I’m sure to say such things. But I feel like I’m being punished for all the bad things I’ve done in my life. I don’t think it’s the depression talking, although I’m not out of the woods there completely. Yet, I’m also amazed as I read the New Testament, at how even Jesus felt abandonment just before he died on the cross. He actually cries out, to his Father. \u201cAt three o\u2019clock, Jesus cried out in a loud voice, \u2018Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?\u2019 which is translated, \u2018My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?\u2019\u201d (Mark 15:34; Matthew 27:46).<\/p>\n
Even the night he was arrested, in the Garden of Gethsemane, two times Jesus’s prayed “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken away from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will'” (Matthew 26:39) and “He went away a second time and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done'” (Matt. 26:42). And even in Mark it’s written “‘Abba, Father,’ he said, ‘everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will” (Mark 14:36).<\/p>\n
So in my mind if Jesus can feel lost, confused and even alone, it must be okay for me to feel that way too. After all I am only human, and so was Jesus.<\/p>\n
Someone else told me once, or maybe I read it somewhere, that “even the teacher is silent during the test.” So is God testing us daily, weekly even monthly? Why is it we pray only when things are going wrong, but rarely do we give thanks. In fact, I noticed in these readings, also, that Jesus gives thanks to God before every meal. Do I remember to give thanks? I certainly complain a lot.<\/p>\n
I tried to do lent readings last year, but I didn’t get much out of it. In fact it was almost a chore. This year I’m actually looking forward to my nightly readings. I’m learning things. I’m realizing that if Jesus hadn’t been born, or God didn’t become human or however that works, I couldn’t be here either. I couldn’t find my way, I’d be stumbling along with no end in site.<\/p>\n
Well okay, I still stumble, I still have days I don’t know if I’ll ever make it. I even still try to make deals with God, but I am human. If I ask God to forgive me, he does willingly. <\/p>\n
To quote a song by Jimmy Wayne:
\n“And he said, “Forgive me father,” when he realized
\nThat he hadn’t been unloved or alone all his life
\nHis arms were stretched out as far as they’d go
\nNailed to the cross, for the whole world to know<\/p>\n
I love you this much and I’m waiting on you
\nTo make up your mind, do you love me too?
\nHowever long it takes I’m never giving up
\nNo matter what, I love you this much.”<\/p>\n
God loves us, Jesus is proof. So am I really alone?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Tonight I’m feeling a little lost. Finances are getting tougher, I make little money, and right now I feel abandoned by God. Harsh, I’m sure to say such things. But I feel like I’m being punished for all the bad … Continue reading