Family Dill Blog

In March of 2013 I heard a Pastor tell his story. What person doesn’t have a story. Joey, not his real name, has a story that needs to be told. Why am I using a fictitious name, if his story is meant to be told? Because he’s never told his congregation, and this was the first time he has told it to a group of people. He’s preparing to share his story, but also fears losing his call and respect. Once his congregation is told, I will be happy to give his name. But this story opened my eyes.

Let me begin. Joey is 14 in the 70s. He knows he’s gay and has no one to turn to. In the 70s this type of lifestyle is not spoken out loud, a secret that families deny. Not unlike the present. Gay and lesbian people sometimes have no where to turn. So when your a confused teen, who do you trust?where do you go?

One summer, Joey meets John (not his real name)a few years older then himself. John befriend him and a relationship between the two is formed. Yes it is sexual. John “introduces” Joey to a “friend”. After he arrives at this “friends” home he figures out why he’s there. But now he’s trapped, but figures there is nothing he could do.

Well as you may have guessed, the “friend” has sex with Joey, in his own sons bedroom. This is just the beginning. When the meeting is over he is given an envelope and sent on his way. John picks up Joey, then asked for the envelope and drops him off in a park that is known for gay sex with young boys. Through the rest of the summer John continues this pattern of meeting new friends, collecting the envelope and dropping Joey at the park. Where again he is meeting people, and getting paid for sex.

There at the park Joey meets two new friends, Squirrel and Stevie. That summer Squirrel and Stevie help Joey through police beatings, rapes by “customers”, and saving him from himself. Unfortunately, near the end of the summer, his closest friend, Squirrel is killed walking in front of a vehicl as Joey watches on.

You see weeks prior to this night, Squirrel, Stevie and Joey had a confrontation with the police, and Squirrel was severely beaten. Buster was never really the same after that night. But then again you wouldn’t be either if someone beat you with in an inch of your life. Why was he beaten? Because he was gay. They are told they are all little faggots who don’t deserve anything, therefore the believe this themselves. Surprisingly enough,there is a police officer that does expect sex for free from the boys in the park. Hmm, the young prostitute is a “faggot”, but the officer Isn’t? What’s wrong with this picture?

Once Squirrel dies, Joey doesn’t want to continue in the same way. He choose to leave Stevie and John. John doesn’t like that and as a parting gift, Joey is raped by three boys. The boys are waiting for him at a park Joey frequents in the evening. That’s a nice parting gift isn’t it?

Joey kept this summer and his secret from his parents, family and friends. During the school year he learned Stevie died after drinking, passing out and dying outside in the cold. There was no funeral, no grave. Joey continues to suppress these events. It isn’t until much later in life, while helping to defend his guardian (son), the summer memory came to the surface. He was sold by the man he trusted. He was expected to have sex in a park. Wow, not the type of summer I’d want to talk about.

I asked Joey his call story and if he looked back, did he see God. He replied, if Squirrel hadn’t died, he would never have left that position. He was sure he’d be dead by now, if not the very least he would have aides. Yes, he see’s God there now. He became a pastor to “escape” relationship, however he formed one any way, with God.

Many church members know he’s gay, but he doesn’t flaunt it. Nor has he been in a relationship since that summer. One of his missions in life is to make people aware of the victimization of young boys into the life of prostitution Is happening. For people to understand that’s its not just the tween girls, but boys too.

I ask that everyone prays for these people. Pray that they find the right support and comfort they need to not fall prey to those who exploit them.

God was with Joey and will continue to be with him. We need to pray for Joey, Squirrel and Stevie and even John. Pray that they feel Gods grace and comfort.

I must remind myself God is with me in everything. God is with those who read this too! Even those who don’t.

It’s been 21 days now since I logged into Facebook. From everyday to zero days, totally cold turkey, is maddening! I feel like I’m missing out on so much! Pictures being posted, comments being made, writing out my own thoughts, Dang! Who knew you could miss a web site.

If I’m learning anything from this, is how much I appreciate technology. Technology when used correctly, can be a beautiful thing. Medical procedures become easier and safer. Jobs are made easier, and staying in touch with family and friends, feels as if you’re standing there with them.

But I can also see how technology can hurt too. Jobs are eliminated by machines, we loose the art of communication face to face. We lose valuable time that can never be given back. In some ways our mind isn’t challenged anymore either. Books made us use our imagination, and we’ve forgotten to be thankful for the little things.

We are slowly becoming an instant gratification society. I’m sure when lent is over I will be back on daily. Receiving that instant satisfaction, like so many others. But I also will return with a better understanding of why Facebook is so important to me. Especially while Im living away from family and friends. People who really knew me and loved me. Those who let me be myself.

Although I’ve met people here, they do not know me. It’s unlikely they will because our time is short. But this s just temporary. I’ve learned you can’t take 40 some years, and have it be the same somewhere else. Adventure is good, but I can’t wait until we find our permanent home.

Tonight I’m feeling a little lost. Finances are getting tougher, I make little money, and right now I feel abandoned by God.

Harsh, I’m sure to say such things. But I feel like I’m being punished for all the bad things I’ve done in my life. I don’t think it’s the depression talking, although I’m not out of the woods there completely. Yet, I’m also amazed as I read the New Testament, at how even Jesus felt abandonment just before he died on the cross. He actually cries out, to his Father. “At three o’clock, Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?’ which is translated, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’” (Mark 15:34; Matthew 27:46).

Even the night he was arrested, in the Garden of Gethsemane, two times Jesus’s prayed “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken away from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will'” (Matthew 26:39) and “He went away a second time and prayed, ‘My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done'” (Matt. 26:42). And even in Mark it’s written “‘Abba, Father,’ he said, ‘everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will” (Mark 14:36).

So in my mind if Jesus can feel lost, confused and even alone, it must be okay for me to feel that way too. After all I am only human, and so was Jesus.

Someone else told me once, or maybe I read it somewhere, that “even the teacher is silent during the test.” So is God testing us daily, weekly even monthly? Why is it we pray only when things are going wrong, but rarely do we give thanks. In fact, I noticed in these readings, also, that Jesus gives thanks to God before every meal. Do I remember to give thanks? I certainly complain a lot.

I tried to do lent readings last year, but I didn’t get much out of it. In fact it was almost a chore. This year I’m actually looking forward to my nightly readings. I’m learning things. I’m realizing that if Jesus hadn’t been born, or God didn’t become human or however that works, I couldn’t be here either. I couldn’t find my way, I’d be stumbling along with no end in site.

Well okay, I still stumble, I still have days I don’t know if I’ll ever make it. I even still try to make deals with God, but I am human. If I ask God to forgive me, he does willingly.

To quote a song by Jimmy Wayne:
“And he said, “Forgive me father,” when he realized
That he hadn’t been unloved or alone all his life
His arms were stretched out as far as they’d go
Nailed to the cross, for the whole world to know

I love you this much and I’m waiting on you
To make up your mind, do you love me too?
However long it takes I’m never giving up
No matter what, I love you this much.”

God loves us, Jesus is proof. So am I really alone?

Okay your sick of the disclaimer, but please understand I’m really not on Facebook, this is an automatic feed from RSS Graffiti.

Well it’s just shy of one week of being off Facebook. It’s not as hard as I thought it might be. I have filled the time, with many other things. In some ways, it’s freeing. I don’t feel as if its one more thing on my to do list.

An organizational specialist I know, once told me to make a list of things to do. This way you can check off things on that list and see how far you’ve come. Another person suggested to write your goals down, to make them more real. These lists have done more for me, than you would think.

Since this is a faith and the average person blog, I’m sure your asking; “what does all this have to do with faith?” Let me begin with giving up Facebook for lent. When I decided to do this I didn’t think, I really could. But I had faith that God would help me through it. The list idea seemed crazy, but faith is when God puts people and ideas in your life, to make you the person God wants you to be.u

I believe, that God is filling my time, so I don’t notice that I didn’t go on Facebook. Each day, brings me ideas of what needs to be done, how important each item is. So I’m busy, but in a good way. I have also picked up a schedule to read the New Testament during lent. So in place of air time, I’m getting book time.

A friend recently said she drove by a church who’s sign read something along the lines of put Facebook down, and pick up the real book. She immediately thought of me. Now who knew that someone, other than family, would think of me out of the blue. I don’t know, maybe I could inspire someone else!

I have no idea where I’m headed, but I am learning to get through one day at time. I’m doing my best to follow Gods path. Sometimes I take the wrong turn, but I’m always gently pushed in the right direction.

Auto post to Facebook.

Hi my name is Kris and I’m addicted to Facebook. No I’m not making fun of real problems, I’m truly having withdrawals. This is sad really, I have no life! It’s clearly time to change it. I even went as far as saying, I’ll just take a quick peek. NO! That’s what my inner voice said, thank goodness I no longer have it on my IPad or phone, or surly I would have looked.

A few years back I jumped on the Facebook band wagon and started making friends, playing games and learning about old and new friends. It soon became a game of how many people could I get as a “friend”. Funny how a few years later and just before Lent, and before the idea of giving up Facebook for lent, I started “un-friending” those who never commented on posts or people I played games with but stopped playing. You get the idea.

This is a challenge, I truly wasn’t expecting. I assumed it would be easier. But I was wrong. It’s only day two and I miss my social media. I almost feel alone. Lets not forget, I’m not alone, but when your stalking everybody, and then you stop, it’s sorta maddening. You start asking, do people miss me? Have they noticed I’m gone?

Oh my gosh, the drama I’m creating for myself. It’s only been two days. What am I going to be like at the end of March. What I’m I going to be like when I’m an empty nester? Wait, Travis will never leave. I guess I will never truly be an empty nester.

This “extra” time on my hands, has me thinking about our up coming internship. Normal questions we all have. Where is it going to be? What’s it going to be like? What role will I play? How’s my life going to change or not change? Ugh, this could drive a girl crazy. March is the deadline for internship and the end of Lent.

I guess that means I will either be totally excited or mildly happy. Good thing there’s medication and spirits if it gets ugly. No seriously, I’m sure in the end everything will be fine and I will be a better person for it.

I’m off to work on pixel art and maybe catch up on my “Gather” magazine. I don’t want to forget about the pendant I want learn how to make too.

Disclaimer: this is an automatic post to Facebook.

This morning I woke up as usual, checked my mail but since I no longer have Facebook on my phone, it wasn’t to difficult to miss.

I gotta say today I felt lost. Almost like I’m out of the loop. I don’t who had a good or bad day. I don’t know the latest gossip or political slaps. But at the same time I do know a few things.

Let me tell you about the positives of day 1:

1). Not rushed this morning
2). Didn’t illegally have my phone on the work floor.
3). Started talking to other people, having a live conversation at lunch and break.
4). Came home loaded, unloaded and made my dinner. (Lucky for me, no one else was home.)
5). Watched my tv shows with no interruptions.
6), Felt relaxed, not tense.
7). Had real conversation with my daughter and husband when they came home.
8). Proud of myself for making it the first day and not breaking down.

I know it sounds silly, but it’s a true. In a recent devotional, it was pointed out our relationship with God is even pushed on the back burner because we fill our time with waste. Of course that’s not to say you can’t use social media or watch TV. It just means free up time from that which keeps you from building a relationship with the one who loves us more than we can ever understand.

Ok, I’m not a holy roller, and this is just the first night. But it’s a step in the right direction and using my blog as a place to see where I stand, even if no else does.

So I raise a toast to this day, and hope that each day gets better and easier. By the end of this Lenten season, I’m sure I will be amazed at home much time I have wasted on Facebook over the years. Of course I might not care either and want it all back!

Disclaimer:auto post to Facebook.

Well my journey is to begin soon. To quote a “almost 14” year old “you lived without Facebook before right? I think you’ll live through this!”

I’m actually surprised at some of the reactions I did receive. Many we’re very concerned. I must admit, that after reading a recent post, Facebook is a good tool. I may not have known that a friend was in the hospital had it not been for Facebook. But what did we do before Facebook? Or let me ask another question. I’m only doing this through lent. What about those who are stationed in the desert? Those with no Internet connection? Are people surprised they are not on Facebook? How about people who live in the states but don’t use Facebook?

Technology has changed the world, there is no doubt about it. For me Facebook has been a good outlet for sharing all parts of my life including things people didn’t want to know. I guess Facebook has become a way of life for many. I’m sure I will miss photos and comments. But if I were in the military, I wouldn’t have that either. In fact if I were homeless, I would have no idea what is happening with anyone in my life or even in my own neighborhood.

In short I would have to say, it’s not that big of a deal. Although I may think differently by Easter. There is still the phone, texting and email. It’s not like I lost all forms of communication. Facebook, is just an instant form of communication. Unfortunately, that’s what we all look for now. Quick answers however, does not always provide the best answer.

Journaling this will help me see whats important to me. I will learn new ways to use my time more productively. In fact I truly hope I can learn how to make “the tree of life” pendant I saw, finish two pixel art projects, finish bracelet for the child I mentor, and many more items for a Christmas bazaar on campus, in December. Not to mention keeping up with the daily things life brings.

Until next time have a great life!

Small disclaimer before I begin. This blog posts automatically to Facebook.

Well lent is upon us, and once again I’m thinking about what I should do or not do this year. For many years I gave up things. Then I didn’t participate at all. Last year, I followed a Lenten reading and read the New Testament in 40 days. Incredible feet for me.

So this year I’m choosing to read again and follow the Lenten plan. But what sacrifice do I make? What will be a true test of my faithfulness? I love TV, but there are three other people in this house so that’s not likely going to work. Certain foods or beverages seem to have little meaning. So for me, my answer is Facebook.

My normal day consists of waking up checking email and Facebook. Get to work look at Facebook on break and sometimes not on break, on my phone, big No-No since I’m not allowed to have my phone on the call floor. Then come home and stalk Facebook as I watch TV. Days off are worse, more time for Facebook. This is a big distraction when there is laundry to do and other housework etc. it’s my drug so to speak.

So I also thought I would take this time to journal a little more and about this journey. Hence the disclaimer before I began this post. Although I’m not on Facebook, my posts still will be. So armed with my readings and help from all of my friends and family, I’m ready to start this journey lasting 40 days and 40 nights.

The much anticipated weigh in day has arrived. I’ve tried my best to count the points, had a few bad days. Combine that with the fact that I must weigh in and your stomachs in knots. Will I gain, lose or stay the same? Why is it important to me to loose this weight? Is the number on the scale really that important?

I have been told it’s more important how your clothes fit, rather than what the scale reads. But we all look to the number. How can a number have so much power over me or should I say us? I’m thinking the number is the visual piece we need. After all you can’t feel on ounce or a pound, and the clothes don’t change until many numbers fall. So how do you pick that magic number?

For me starting this journey my doctor advised me what my healthy weight should be. It was not set by Weight Watchers, or the Biggest Loser fans. Just as a side note, Weight Watchers does advise you to meet with your doctor. My point being my number is based on my bodies needs. That’s one reason weight is different for everyone.

So why do I still dread this day? It didn’t take me one day to put on the weight, so it won’t take one day to take off the weight either. So here we go……

The number reads up .07 oz. I’m disappointed, but expected it I guess. I knew this last week had been tough. I had a few bad eating days, as well as not knowing how to count some points. I didn’t have all the information I needed to calculate them. I must also face that I made wrong choices. Therefore all I can do know is start again and wait till next week.

Before I know it, the week will be over and I hope for better results. Until that time, I can only try my best and move forward. I must admit, I will pray and ask God for help. I know I can’t do it alone so I ask you all to guide me and pray for me. Thank you for the continued support.

By now we all know that I’m counting points with Weight Watchers on line, I often wonder if I can make it work this time. You know really stick to it? I also wonder sometimes if God really does bring a stranger into your life for a reason.

While out shopping with Doug one day, we met a women. She happened to be looking at juicers, just as we were. We got to talking and discovered she had done a lot of research on juicers, with the intent of buying one. So Doug and her began to talk and share their knowledge. Well of course this conversation led to many others. I’d say after a good hour we all finally parted ways. Yes, the women bought her juicer and another item.

One of the topics we spoke of related to weight loss and eating healthy. We talked about Weight Watchers, and other Food programs. We also acknowledged that all though you loose the weight, if you don’t keep up with it, the weight creeps right back up, and then some.

We are human, therefore we are flawed. I know what your thinking, God doesn’t make us flawed. No God didn’t make us flawed, we choose it. Again I hear you thinking, you would never choose to fail. But look at the track record you’ve left behind, the times you gave up. We all fail in some way. So what am I getting to you ask? Let me get back to this women, whom I will most likely never see again.

This women mentioned that she has given many parts of her life to God, and prays for things. But she never prayed for help with her weight loss. She discovered a free program called “The Lords Table” . It’s a 60 day approach to weight loss linked back to bible versus, and understanding that overheating is a sin. Meaning you only eat what you need to survive, not gorge on treats. It also strives to have you ask why your wanting to loose weight. If your wanting to lose weight for people to notice, that’s wrong. The idea is everything you do is for the Glory of God, therefore you loose weight to glorify God. When you glorify God, he uses you for his purpose. Along with that you also follow a menu type plan that incorporates, meal days, liquid days and a fasting day. My thoughts were thinking about this on our drive home.

I looked it up on the Internet, talked a little about it with Doug and determined I might be able to try “The Lords Table” and Weight watchers. How can I combine the two? As important as fating is in the bible, it’s not good for weight loss. Research says when you deny yourself food, you tend to binge when you eat again. So fasting is out for this part of my weight loss equation.I will revisit that idea at another time.

A liquid day has potential, but for myself I believe I would be better off if I choose to count points instead. Again eating the foods I enjoy, but within moderation. Maybe it’s an excuse, but I see the liquid day being similar to the fasting day with bingeing when I’m eating on a normal day. So I have chosen to read the passages, answer the question, yet still count my points.

I am on day five of the “Lords Table”. What I have noticed so far, is that when I have a bad eating day I do pray. It doesn’t take the points back or make it easier. But it helps me to move forward and try again another day.

I weigh in again on Monday. I pray God will give me strength to move forward and not binge if the weight scale isn’t what I would like it to be. I pray for the strength not to beat myself up. But I mustn’t forget to give prayers of thanks. Thanks for the food that is on my table, the ability to count and the support I receive from my family and friends.

In closing I pray who ever reads this, will gain strength in remembering that in everything we do, we do to Glorify God. Also realizing that when we glorify God, God continues to use us for his purpose. Stay strong and God Bless!