Family Dill Blog

When I started this blog, it was going to be about faith and the average person.  Meaning me, the average gal who attends church and says she’s a Christian.

Faith is defined by dictionary.com as; confidence or trust in a person or thing. Beliefs that is not based on proof, belief in God or in the doctrines or teaching of religion, plus a few more examples, but you get where I’m going with this.

I thought I had faith in God, what good Christian doesn’t right? I go to church, well when it’s convenient. I donate money, well when I have extra money. There’s some great sales this time of year. I give my time, well when it doesn’t  interfere with my other plans.  Most importantly I have faith in God, when things are going my way and smoothly.

Wow, after writing this, maybe I have selective faith.  I was recently diagnosed with depression. Something that had been building over many years, but brought to the surface by a major change In my life. Where’s that faith now?

Depression is brought on by many different things, and nothing to be ashamed of. asking for help in dealing with it, is the first big step to health, faith and recovery. So I’m here, asking for help and having faith that God is going through all of this with me.

I should have been thrilled that God has called my husband to ministry, but truth be told, I wasn’t. It meant leaving everything I know behind. Changing my entire life and putting it in the hands of God and life’s uncertainties. Trusting that God is leading me toward his wishes for me, and the service he expects from me.

To build my faith I will look for God. God is present in the psychologist who is talking me through my thoughts of myself and my feelings. He is present in my husband who is excepting of me and offering support and help. He is present in my children who laugh and try their best to work with a mom who has weird mood swings. He is present in the family and friends that have offered ears and words of encouragement.  He is present at the church I attend and the home church who prays for my family, our journey and has offered such overwhelming support.

Although it’s still a long road ahead of me, I plan to take each day one minute at a time. I will try my very best to give God thanks for everything I encounter, through good and bad times. I will build my faith, hold my head high, and give thanks for this journey. One day I hope I can continue to show Gods love through me.

What brings you down? I don’t mean death of a loved one, I’m talking about other things.  I know this past week had me down for many reasons. We lost one of our dogs. It was expected, but still hard. His loss, brought thoughts for me that I have not addressed in awhile.

Our move to seminary made us leave the dog behind. At the time I was angry and upset. We couldn’t bring the dog for many reasons, but the two big ones were, he was a foster dog and our new home only allowed one dog. So he stayed with my dad.

Ok, now maybe the plan here was that the dog stay behind as this move would have been hard on him and us when it came to medical visits. Not to mention the damage that would have occurs with his bladder issues.  But I still felt guilty and let down.

I also felt down when we moved for all the obvious reason. This summer has been tough too so far. Becky has been gone for three weeks, and Doug is gone all summer. I feel very much alone right now, even with Travis here. But I must believe this is part of Gods big plan for my life. I’m still trying to figure out where I fit into this new life. I’m hopeful God’s has yet another lesson for me to learn. So I wait, and pray. The answer will come one day.

For now, I’m trying to keep my chin up and take each day, just one day at a time.

Well, it’s been another week since my last weigh in. I did’t loose much, but than again I didn’t try very hard either. I’m not sure what’s going on with me lately.  I do want to loose the weight, but I feel like I don’t have support.

I know it’s silly. My family is all for it if it’s what I want.  They eat what  I prepare, and normally don’t complain.  I try not to have too many bad snacks in the house. In fact that is the one thing the kids complain about.  But yet I still eat the wrong thing.

I’m not sure what’s really going on in my head today. I guess I’m just not all there. But I will move forward, I will one day be at peace with myself and my weight.  Right now we’ll just do the best I can.

Have you ever noticed how “diets” are a roller coaster?  Your up and then down, then your okay, and then back up and down.  You get my point right?   Why is it, the minute we say “oh I can’t have that because……”, we start craving whatever the item is even more?

I’m not a psychologist or a medical doctor but I assume this happens for many reasons. I’m sure our body get’s use’s to something and then looks for it.  60% of the human body is made up of water.  Amazing really.  Now most of us don’t drink water because it lacks “flavor” or “fizz”.  We find it tasteless.  Yet on a really hot day, or after a work out, most people will grab water first and then chase it with another beverage.  Why? Because the body is craving it.

I wonder if that’s true of foods.  We all have our favorites.  Maybe we like the smell, the texture or the taste, maybe even the color makes us smile.  So when we see it, or smell we get excited and want it. In fact we can almost taste it!  So now were thinking, “but it’s too many points, or I’m on a diet, so I can’t have it”.  So now we want it even more.

I think I’m on the right track here.  So I say why not just have it.  Portion control and exercise are always the key.  As long as we read the label on the food and follow the guide lines for portion control, we have half the battle beaten.  If we stop thinking that lifting the remote control is movement and actually get up and move…now were working on the exercise  part.

I can’t recall if it was a talk show or a magazine article that suggested some tips on keeping your body moving, thus burning some calories.  Okay not like the work out in the gym or anything, but it’s something.  Anyway it was suggested that during the commercials of your favorite T.V. show, get up and jog in place until all the commercials are over.  Then do it again when the show breaks again, or do jumping jacks.  Something is better than nothing.  The walk to the kitchen or snack cabinet wont count.  Get your heart moving.  Once you start that, you may think about going for an early morning walk, or a late evening stroll.  You might even get excited about going to the gym.

It’s all about tricking the brain.  At least in my opinion.  So when your craving something eat it, but be mindful of how much. Drink, but think about how much and keep moving. Baby steps is what it takes.  When you fall off, just get back on. Tell yourself it’s okay and move on.

Life is much like weight loss, so hang on for the ride. Even the best of us go up and down with weight, it’s just a matter of how much and what you do about it later.

The time sure has flown since Doug’s arrival. Wow! What an emotional time here for most of the Dill family.

In May, many of the friends we have made were getting ready for the next step on their journey in serving. Some have graduated, some received their first call, many were leaving for internship, and some have headed off to CPE. Along with that, two others will travel back to their home countries of Norway and Germany once CPE is completed.

It is so amazing to see how fast bonds are formed in this community. With that, It’s also a time of high emotions. For professional criers like myself, I find myself crying at least once a week. Let me explain.
Since our arrival here it has been bitter-sweet. We said good-bye to family and friends. Once arriving to Wartburg we were greeted and welcomed by so many. They too were able to help us by offering the “low down” on the best doctors, shopping, food and movie houses. Did we tell you that one movie theater we have here actually offers buckets of beer and bottles of wine to enjoy with your movies favorites? However I digress.

We have shared meals, fire pit evenings and wine nights. We have had children born and baptized here on campus. We have had deaths and medical needs. But as I mentioned earlier the bond here is unique. Everyone kicks in to lend hand in whatever way they can. From providing meals to cleaning houses, it is very overwhelming. The tears are brought on by not just good-bye, but also for the next great adventure in the life of someone who serves Christ.

As the community grows smaller, those of us who are still here are eager to meet the one’s returning from internship and the new students who will just be beginning on their journey.
God is truly at work here. But I also must share, that I have learned something I didn’t really know about pastors and their families. I always believed that pastors and their families were, shall I say, held to a higher standard set of rules. However with that higher standard, I am realizing that the pastor and his family are no different than you and your family.

Pastors like to have a beer or some other adult beverage now and again and sit around a fire pit and laugh. They like to barbeque with the neighbor, and watching TV shows like CSI and Jersey shore.
Their children are just like any other child, who run around and learn by getting into normal “kid trouble”. They enjoy parties and special outings.

Not to forget the wives, they too have career’s not related to their spouses and have their own hobbies and friends. My point here is they are just like you.

Okay this is my bad for holding them to a higher standard than I would hold myself. They make mistakes and sin with the best of them. But thank God, they too are forgiven and through that also gain understanding and are forgiving of others.

Not unlike the others here on campus, I have also learned the value of the food pantry and wish I was an “Extreme Couponer” so I could share my deals with those around me.

Birthday parties here are not met with gifts, but are filled with laughter and games. No one is trying to keep up with the other, everyone shares what they have. Maybe that’s why this community is so tight and why it’s so hard to say good-bye, even if it’s for a good thing.

I may have fought coming to this community in my own way. But as we move forward and are time comes closer to an end, I will also be shedding more tears and wishing we could stay.

I know I’m all over the place here. There was so much to be said. But I was hoping to give you a small glimpse into our campus life. Even with our struggles, we are comforted in knowing our community is going through the same things together. We are also thankful for your prayers of support. Come by and visit our community sometime, or just meet us in Galena, we would love to see you here.
“Know that I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.” Gen 28:15

Well I must say today was an amazing day so far.  I’m sure if you follow my post’s on Facebook, you know I’m totally stressing about my Microsoft Excel class.  I had no real problems with PowerPoint, or Word.  Excel on the other hand is all logical thinking.

I have learned over the years, I am not a logical thinker by any means. I’m a visual learner and I need things written out step by step for me follow.  Not to mention, I also need the hands on portion where I can play with everything as I go along.

Another reason this class is so hard for me, is about 2 weeks before mid-terms, I moved out to Iowa.  The instructor was kind enough to allow me to finish the class on line, with a few conditions.  Now this also meant I no longer had classroom instruction, and only a book to follow. Not good for a visual learner.

Between getting really sick and  having frustration from not knowing, I began to fall behind in the class. I had many people offer to help through Facebook, and emails. But again no one on one teaching.  During my most recent test, I emailed my instructor and told her my frustration and how I was beginning to consider just dropping the class. Now there is only six weeks left, so really that isn’t an option.  What a waste of money and time.  She gave me some tips and suggestions.

Now I’m on a campus full people who are studying the bible in one way or another.Some are becoming ordained, while others are learning how to sever the church in other ways. Doug put out a call to all the students asking if anyone could come and assist me.  Some replied, but had many things going on this weekend and therefore were not able to help me. However, they would be available at a later date.

Now this doesn’t really help.  After all I am behind and have a test I need to finish. So before bed last night, I said a prayer. I asked God to give me strength and wisdom, so that I could complete my assignments.  I prayed that I could review the information, and work on the easier things first and then move on to the more difficult ones.

This morning I awoke and of course found ways to avoid working on my Excel. I finally made myself sit down.  I completed two projects and submitted them. I then started on a third, and my phone rang.  I didn’t recognize the number so I let it go into voice mail. The caller left a message.

The message was from a student here, who is very knowledgeable about math and Excel. He was suppose to be gone this weekend on a backpacking trip, but due to weather decided it wasn’t safe to go. So he was now available.  I called him back and he arrived about 15 minutes later.  We complete the most difficult task together with the understanding of how to complete the rest .  Along with that the OK to text him should I need anything else.

So where does that fit into this blog? My prayer was answered today. I’ll be caught up on my assignments by this evening and ready to take on the new ACCESS chapter. Today was proof that prayer works, maybe not the way we want it to all the time, but it works.

So to end this today I will say a small prayer. Dear God, teach me and those who read this how to pray. To depend more on you and believe that you will answer that prayer. Helps us all to learn that it is OK to pray about everything and anything, and know that you will guide us to that answer.  Amen.

Today was day 3 of my new position at WS Live. They are a call center that houses many different projects. I was initially hired for one where sales were heavily pushed. I was not doing well, since I’m not pushy or a salesman. However, because they thought I had good customer service skills, I was moved to another “project”.

In the three days I’ve Been there I feel this is more the job for me. On the flip side of that, I had to take some not so great hours in order to keep my rate of pay as well. This project has people on the phone 24/7 even during the holidays.

So first I have to thank God, for still having a job, and have faith that this will all work out. Funny thing is, if this goes the way I hope it could go it really could be great.

Doug and I have talked about where we would like to have Doug serve once he is ordained. One area we both liked the idea of was Arizona. This project I’m on is home based in Tempe,AZ..
Which also has a call center. Imagine if Doug were given a call in the Tempe area, I would have the potential of actually keeping my job, but doing it in AZ..

Will this happen, I have no idea. That’s where my faith lies, in God having a plan for me, and me trusting it will all work out. After all my ultimate goal is to get to heaven.

To quote a song by Carrie Underwood “Temporary Hone”……”This is my temporary home, it’s not where I belong. Windows and rooms that I’m passing through. This was just a stop, on the way to where I’m going, I’m not afraid because I know. This is my temporary home.”

Ok, so here’s another blog I’m doing for myself, but my hope is it may touch a heart or give hope to others. In a way, I’m using it as therapy for myself as I and the family take the this journey into seminary.

To give a brief over view, Doug was never a “religious” person, but over time he started attending church where it then lead him to the call to become an ordained minister. Much to my surprise and that of the family. I was raised Catholic, and tried to follow all the rules I was given, but of course fell short of being perfect.

When Doug announced his intentions to attend seminary, I assumed it meant going back to school like an other graduate school. Doug did start on line, and my life didn’t really change. But then things changed and we short sold our home and moved on campus.

I’m trusting God has a plan, as so far my plans have not come to pass. I joined the family officially three weeks ago. I didn’t want to leave my current job until I had something lined up. A job came up but now three weeks later, it’s not working out. Flipside to that, in one to two weeks I can start with the company but under a new job. Bad side, I won’t get paid during this time. Last negative, is the hours are 10 hour days four days a week including all day on Saturday. And my week day hours are 11-9:30.

My faith steps in to say, I’m thankful I still have a job, I’m kinda on vacation and eventually I might get lucky enough for a shift change.

So today I pray for peace, strength and acceptance as I cling to the fact that God is always in control, but is really in charge of the out come.

Grace and peace until another day