My Prayer, God’s Will

It’s been such a long time since I blogged last. I’m not sure why. Maybe I had nothing to say, maybe I had something to say, just didn’t know how to say it. I don’t know. So I thought I would write something now. I feel compelled, just not sure what I’m to write about.
I’ll start with the new small group I’m in. It’s sponsored by the ELCA Nebraska Synod offices. “Drinking From the Well”. The small group is about learning how to pray, and how to hear God in those prayers.
If you are anything like me, you will understand what I’m about to say. I don’t really know how to pray or how to hear God in the mist of my prayers.
I prayed for many things over the years. I prayed for ponies, games and toys. I’ve prayed for winning lottery number, and finding that long lost relative has left me more money than I could ever know what to do with. Hey you may even now him, I believe he’s a Prince in another country.  I’ve since  grown up and learned to pray for friends who suffered losses, as well as prayers for celebrations.  However, even with that, I never heard God. In fact most times, I feel like my own prayers were never answered.
For example, I didn’t want to leave my home in 2011 and move to a seminary campus. I loved where I lived, loved my job, and my friends. However, that prayer fell on deaf ears. While on campus, I prayed for help in getting things paid for and even finding friends. Well God provided me a friend or two, but the money wasn’t rolling in. I prayed for a first call, in an area that I could be happy in. Guess what, that didn’t happen either. In fact first call for us, was not where we belonged. So back to praying some more. Yes, we finally found a place to call home.
Wait, did God just answer one or two of my prayers? Maybe, maybe not.
Now, I’m feeling a little lost these days. I’m wondering trying to see those second set of footprints, letting me know that God is there. My prayers continue to change, yet I’m still not able to hear what it is God wants me to do, or where I’m supposed to go, if anywhere.
I don’t even know what my spiritual gifts are. You know the gifts God gave us, to use for His purpose. I’m not talking about being an athlete, or famous writer or anything like that. I’m talking the gifts God has placed within me to serve the church, the body of Christ.
I even get angry when I think of the people who say, their answer came from the bible. They were struggling, and then bam,  the bible was open and the passage they needed was right there. I can honestly say, that has never happened to me.
I’ve heard people tell me God didn’t answer your prayer because (insert whatever here). Or God has a better plan for you. For me those are not comforting words. I know it sounds strange and you’re probably wondering why I say that.
Well here’s my biggest reason…God’s plan for all of us still involves humans. It still involves free will, and decision making. In today’s world you can’t just think you will get the winning lottery numbers sent to you from God. Really the Divine doesn’t work that way. You can’t land that perfect job, because there is no perfect job. You’ll never own your dream house or car or any other materialistic thing you can think and hope for. Why ?You know, humans are never satisfied, we always want more.
So how do we know if it’s God talking or us just wanting? How do we know if its God will for us, or we just want it so bad, we see things that aren’t there?
So how do I find out? How do I pray and hear what I’m supposed to hear? I don’t know, but I do know this;
Philippians 4:6-7The Voice (VOICE)
6 Don’t be anxious about things; instead, pray. Pray about everything. He longs to hear your requests, so talk to God about your needs and be thankful for what has come. 7 And know that the peace of God (a peace that is beyond any and all of our human understanding) will stand watch over your hearts and minds in Jesus, the Anointed One.